One of my spoken words. You can listen to it here;
https://soundcloud.com/elithelostboy/rope

I don’t know if I’ll be alive much longer. I spent every day trying to get stronger and stronger. But I still feel the same. Like God is just playing some sick and twisted game. I don’t remember the last time I felt alive, it’s just constant hours of feeling dead inside.

And it’s all your fault. It’s all your fault that my life is coming to a speedy halt. I opened up for the first time in years. You broke down my walls and helped me conquer my fears. You said you’d always be there, that we were going to be the perfect pair. But you lied, and now everything is crumbling down like a landslide. Where are you? While I’m here in the dark, with blood dripping down my wrists, a razor in my tightly grasped fists. Where are you? I need you. I love you. Or maybe I hate you, and my emotions are clouding my judgment. If I survive you can bet your *** that when someone new comes and takes your place, I will be reluctant. Reluctant to let my walls fall down. Because when the last person said she’d be around she killed herself. And now she’s just a memory on a shelf, like you’re going to be. Forever haunting my dreams, breaking me down at the seams. You’re just like everyone else. You’re not different. You’re ******* ignorant. You’re a liar, and a heartbreaker.

And now there’s a rope around my neck, and I’m writing you one last letter before I jump off this deck. Before I go see God, I need you to know that you were single most significant person in my world for a while. You were my second chance at love. But when push came to shove, you left too. Sure you’re alive, and she’s not. But I’d rather you be dead than alive. So instead of being distracted by the guys who treat you like ****, so instead of having to live in the same planet as the person who ripped out my core, you’d be dead. Just like her. You’d become a faded memory of something that once was. So instead of you dying, I’ll take the bullet. Because I don’t want to live in a world where I can’t be near you. Where I can’t love you.