I have no one to talk to. I have no one who knows. I don't feel sorry for myself, but I need strength. I fear the future, because of the past. And I embrace the future, because I know it brings this moment to the past. What a disgusting person I must be, because broken never looked good on anyone and pathetic is how it reads on me. So stupid to have not realized I was in a game. I was caught off guard and its not about losing... Just the fact that I didn't want to play. It's amazing the things I didn't see. It's ridiculous, what I thought I saw. Now there's a path before me. I need only to prepare for the trip. With a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes I need to accept that this is good bye. Friendship is forever in some ways, but lies taint it and sometimes there's nothing to save. All this time, I've been alone. I don't understand what makes it so hard to make it final. Me being me and you being you is what I thought made us, us... But I guess to much of anything is way to much. And our special friendship was fun when I thought it was real. I feel hate in my heart, but the sadness consumes it. And my heart stings. It's the only way that I know this is real. I dare not be bitter. I dare not be conquered. But nauseous and shatterd is what I can't deny. So I'll talk to myself not knowing if it will do any good. Myself is all I have at the end so I might as well get used to it. I wonder what kind of friend I'll make myself... Will I be honest like the real me or will I try to convince myself that this is nothing? I can already see that I'm the greatest friend a person can have, always honest, always there... But this great friend thing... I don't think it applies to me.