i don't remember the first time i kissed you but i know for certain it was between when i last called him on the phone and when you took the bobby pins out of my hair and somehow in between that time frame i went from feeling my physical body shrink under the crushing weight of reality to feeling my heart start to rediscover its heartbeat before it completely stopped beating

i don't know when you first started to fall in love with her or when you last looked her in the eyes and decided that leaving would be near impossible to do but all i can say is that if you look at her the way i look at you then maybe i can understand you wanting to go back and i can understand that losing a friend might be worse than losing a lover, but just know that the sunrises we've greeted together will forever be etched in my mind
amidst telling me to be careful there are echoes of you're beautiful's and rooms full of laughter filled from tickles and silly eskimo kisses and even if we were doomed from the beginning and she has your heart entangled in a web strong enough to convince you to leave me know that the soundtrack of all those pink floyd albums we listened to together are always going to remind me of the endless nights we spent together when i was convinced no matter if everything around us burned down we would stay more alive than ever in the fire
i need to be honest with you - i've whispered to countless broken hearts that my eyes cannot reiterate anything others did and no matter how hard my body is squeezed i'll never be able to transform into her when they wake up in the morning, and sometimes i wish i could just because i know you would be happier than ever; maybe happier than i could ever make you; but that doesn't mean that i'll stop trying to make memories of the ashes from something long forgotten
i'll try to build a shelter in your heart to protect it from the storms, i'll try to make you strong enough to face the hail, i'll try to engrave my smile in your clothes so that you can remember we're all imperfect but sometimes even pros aren't faking it, i'll try to show you that hips were made for dancing together in the least likely places, and i'll try to get over my fear of being picked up, i'll try to learn to trust, i'll try to remember that not everyone lies and that maybe, maybe it'll be okay

maybe it wasn't a mistake when our lips clashed together like the way the tide crashes into the sand 46 days ago, maybe it wasn't a coincidence that your couch felt more like my home than my bedroom did, maybe it's not a mistake to give this a try

but, maybe

maybe it is