Which is worse?

to feel everything so deeply
every sideways glance
and cold shoulder
feeling like a dagger
grating against my chest

for every glass
that falls and smashes
shattering to dust-like pieces
to feel like the shattering
of my pathetic life

to keep on feeling
that tightness in my chest
knowing you are barely breathing,
and there's no real reason.

to feel the pinpricks on my skin
which feel more like
lacerations to your sole,
to the very core of your being -

Or take the pills that the doctor keeps prescribing
and feel nothing,
not even the death inside?