my mind scrambles,
trying to place you
i search endlessly,
wondering if you are in a field
of freedom and daisies,
or if you are stranded
in an ocean as deep as the crevices
of my mind.

i place you somewhere
i can see you

you cannot be with the fires,
for they are far too hot
and you have been burned
far too many times.
i do not have enough fingers to count
the times i have cradled your crying body to sleep.

i place you somewhere
i can see you

i tried to put you in my pocket,
but i didn't want you to feel small.
to me, you are the universe,
you are all i see.

i place you somewhere
i can see you

yesterday, you expressed yourself
as ink bleeding into the fibres of my notebook.
but you cannot be in books,
for they are closed and ended
and you are not.

i place you somewhere
i can see you

perhaps you are in the cotton threads
of that stupid royal blue blanket
that i have wrapped myself up in
every night since you died.

i stopped placing you somewhere
that would one day be gone,
for you are forever
and the world is not.

i place you beside me,
you've been there all along.