did i not give you enough money
did i not give you a good grade
did i not remember to call you honey
did i ever forget to hold your hand

did i fail to meet your expectations
i imagine and realize i did not
if i am a source of funds i know
it was never enough

if I was a source of learning maybe
i never taught you enough stuff
if I was a source of interesting times
i blew it and now know i was not the right kind

of husband
of dad
of friend you wanted
to have

i could not ever be where you wanted
at every moment of your life
did i hold any promise in your eyes?
i think not you just made me say something
and then called it all lies

as early as I can remember
women only like to say one thing
"no, you don't", and then "you are a liar"
"unless you are god, i don't need you"

perhaps if i had been a king or some thing
that you really wanted, that you really needed
that would have been better for you
you keep reminding me, and dangling me,
entangling me, and then say "do you love me?"

"do I love you"? I have often been told
I don't love anyone, in fact I have been told
"you hate everyone". By those "closest", lover
and friend, mother and then

They leave. They abandon. They turn away.
In anger. There is clearly nobody on earth
to whom I am more than a source of something.
But never enough. and never. A source of me.

mgmorrell
6 march 2016