i used to think myself immortal.

see, i grew up spanish next to english
and the only nouns left genderless
were ones i didn't know to say.

so i'd look at empty sky
(not el cielo, not with nothing to hold)
and tell my friends it was me up there.

you: imagine the god-named planetas.
i was the backdrop to their orbits,
not bound to el fondo, but more than words.

now i know el abismo is beyond me
but the only genderless thing i knew
was so deep i'd drown just looking.

now i know the word agender
but remember:

before i was this
i was infinite.