Have you ever felt air suffocating you? How can something you need to live be killing you?
Maybe because the breaths aren't careless, long, beautiful and free
But short, restricted and sloppy
It feels like I'm choking,
especially on my words
How do you explain depression?
Unbearable sadness and clogged throats
Not wanting to get out of bed and either staring at a clock watching time move both quickly but not quick enough
or it's staring at the indents or popcorn ceiling of your haunted house pretending they're stars
It's people telling you to just be happy
Don't you think I would've done that by now?
It's constant dragging of feet and weighed down shoulders and exasperated sighs filled with air I can't swallow for the life of me
They're filled with everything I want to say and nothing too
Indecisveness plays such a factor into this and is the pinacle of why I cannot put into words why the air is choking me
Am I worthy to breathe you?
Were you made for me? Or was I the lousy experiment that is ruining you?
I don't believe in God anymore now that I'm less optimistic
Why would God punish me for breathing when God was the one who made the air?
Sometimes I don't even want to speak
It's kind of all over the place
like my thoughts
but like I was saying,
I am drowning in air
and that's the best I can
explain it
Every breath feels like a burden
and I'm waiting for the
last sorrowed exhale