I’m going to write while my feelings are still raw

They’re the only thing in my world right now

They’re in my head
All over my body
They are my sheets
The paint on my walls

They’re everywhere

Its clear there’s no getting away
I’m not even going to try
So how about I face them?
Instead of sit here and cry

Let’s talk about this sadness
Oh my, you couldn’t imagine

I was so caught up in you

In your smile
And your laugh
The way your hair curls
And did I mention that smile
Oh my god that smile

I was so in love with you
With the way you spoke and the words you said

Never have I met a more caring person
It’s so natural for you, so genuine

****

I just wanted you to care about me

I just wanted you to be happy
With me

I wanted you to be as in love as I was

I wanted you to need me

But that’s something I can’t force upon you
And I won’t try

It just hurts so badly right now
Sick to my stomach, lump in my throat
That kind of hurt

My body aches for my first love
It aches for your lips and your embrace
And it aches even more knowing it can’t have it

Just tell me you love me

No wait

Don’t
Please don’t

I don’t want you to have to lie
I don’t want you to have to pretend anymore

And I may sound bitter
But that isn’t it at all
I’m oddly happy

Let’s talk about this happiness
Because I’m really not sure why it’s here
Although I’m glad it is

I’m glad you finally got that off your chest
Even though it put more onto mine

You deserve so much more
Than settling for someone like me

I want nothing but the best for you
I’m not the best

I’ve caused you a lot of frustration
I know
And I don’t want you to feel that anymore

I want pure happiness for you

Find it

Please
Please find it

Find it and make this whole thing worth it