Shirley girl it’s been a thrill Let me introduce you to Bill He has a dog called Jet He’s a solid bet You’re dumping me after an hour One hour Sixty minutes of bliss How you reminisced Your ex Ted Shot himself in the head Mother Jill Lying at the bottom of the hill Father John Somewhere in the Amazon Grandad Cain Threw himself under a train Granny Flo Where did she go Not forgetting brother Fred Lost, presumed dead Then you mention your lesbian lover Di Who right away I’m thinking How did she die Not realising, you must be Bi Then just as I’m getting my head round that You mention the cat Is there a dog What about the fog Oh, that’s what caused the bus to disappear into the bog You saved the lollypop man Jack Well, that’s a blessing What Died next day, heart attack Shirley doll Don’t think of me as a bit of a moaner But Jesus girl You're a ****** Jonah.