I've never had the courage to ask you about him. I remember feeling ashamed when Brianna asked "who is that baby in the center photo?" I couldn't muster up the courage to say, "oh, that's my brother." I think about that moment a lot. How I still can't muster up the courage to ask you about him. I know nothing about him. All I've seen is pictures. I've never told anyone about him, because I'm afraid to bring him up to people, like he's this big family secret. How can I tell anyone about him if I don't even understand what fully happened. I want to ask, but I don't want to bring you back to that dark time, even though I'm sure you relive it everyday of your life. You keep that locket around your neck with his picture as a reminder that he is always there. Just the other day you started sobbing in the middle of breakfast because you saw a little boy with the same curls he had. And in that moment, I wanted to cry with you, because you looked so broken. His birthday recently passed, the only thing I actually know about him, but I couldn't even tell you how old he would've been. I always wonder how different life would be if he was still here, but I guess we'll never know.