Dec 2015
I don't like what I see
when I look in the mirror
I stand there holding myself*
Sometimes I'll place my hands on my hips
and move from side to side
turning this way or that
grabbing at my behind
pulling it up
seeing how it'd look
if it were plumper
like them girl's in the videos
Sometimes I grab a handful of my belly
or **** it in and see how I'd look
if I could just get over this 14 year baby weight
and all the pounds
I've gained from my last few miscarriages.
I know stress plays a role
I eat when stressed
I eat my depression and eat when sad or on my cycle
I love to eat and love food
but it's truly never been my reason for this weight
burdening me down
I lost my will to move
to walk or work out
lost my drive to fight or even speak out
I went from working and going to school
staying busy
to doing only bits here and there that I have to do
I can't be bothered
don't even want to
I'll lay here and not move
long as I can
I've stayed in a runt for so long
I'm talking years felt so low
and haven't dug our yet
and I know for me
this depressions a killer
it's got me defeated
beaten down
so low I never wanna be loved again...
As I stand in front of this mirror
I hate what's become of me
my pessimistic behavior
and ideology of what love should be
seems like its not meant for me
I hate looking at myself
I hate seeing my luscious curves
my ample succulent *******
I only currently
like my long hair
that goes to my shoulders
for this chocolate cocoa skin
it seems so out of place
people wonder if its a weave
and not my own
but this is all home grown
yet and still
I just like who I am as a person & represent
not my physical appearance
not only because I have a "good hair"
for a black girl
I'm ONLY black
yet
I'm proud of my heritage
I'm black and Puerto Rican
but who cares
Funny how my shape for others
is just right
&
for me it isn't
I don't have that j.lo figured
I don't look like a Nicki Minaj
how do I look?
I um well I look just like me
but seems I can't find someone who'd
conquered my heart
and own it
take care of it as they should....
One day I'll get tired of my self loathing
work out
and the World
will be impressed
but not
as much as ME!
*Copyright ©
Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present
All right reserved
when I look in the mirror
I stand there holding myself*
Sometimes I'll place my hands on my hips
and move from side to side
turning this way or that
grabbing at my behind
pulling it up
seeing how it'd look
if it were plumper
like them girl's in the videos
Sometimes I grab a handful of my belly
or **** it in and see how I'd look
if I could just get over this 14 year baby weight
and all the pounds
I've gained from my last few miscarriages.
I know stress plays a role
I eat when stressed
I eat my depression and eat when sad or on my cycle
I love to eat and love food
but it's truly never been my reason for this weight
burdening me down
I lost my will to move
to walk or work out
lost my drive to fight or even speak out
I went from working and going to school
staying busy
to doing only bits here and there that I have to do
I can't be bothered
don't even want to
I'll lay here and not move
long as I can
I've stayed in a runt for so long
I'm talking years felt so low
and haven't dug our yet
and I know for me
this depressions a killer
it's got me defeated
beaten down
so low I never wanna be loved again...
As I stand in front of this mirror
I hate what's become of me
my pessimistic behavior
and ideology of what love should be
seems like its not meant for me
I hate looking at myself
I hate seeing my luscious curves
my ample succulent *******
I only currently
like my long hair
that goes to my shoulders
for this chocolate cocoa skin
it seems so out of place
people wonder if its a weave
and not my own
but this is all home grown
yet and still
I just like who I am as a person & represent
not my physical appearance
not only because I have a "good hair"
for a black girl
I'm ONLY black
yet
I'm proud of my heritage
I'm black and Puerto Rican
but who cares
Funny how my shape for others
is just right
&
for me it isn't
I don't have that j.lo figured
I don't look like a Nicki Minaj
how do I look?
I um well I look just like me
but seems I can't find someone who'd
conquered my heart
and own it
take care of it as they should....
One day I'll get tired of my self loathing
work out
and the World
will be impressed
but not
as much as ME!
*Copyright ©
Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present
All right reserved
