the other night i dreamed i was holding him in my arms hearing his heart beat just the way i imagined it would feel like when our skins touch. he smelled so good something like the combination of everything i've longed for and the comforting smell before rain. but all too soon he started to fade and everything else turned into gray, i didn't want to wake up so i held on to him as tightly as i could clutching his shirt helplessly whispering "please don't go" over and over like a mantra but i still woke up in tears and my heart breaks everytime i remember none of it was ever real.