The season has changed
Since I wrote a story of letters
On just how inspiring you are.

But it's been about two years
Since my balance first failed me
And left me breathless.

Suffocating has been an absolute privilege.

/TRUE CONFESSION.

Frozen by the recent cycle
Of all these current events,
I am still and silent
As I revert my mindset
Onto you.

Was it ever really a question
Of where my affection belonged?

Then why does the melody
Sound so wrong now?

/ART.

You look at how I meant to deceive you
And you admitted there
That I was your harmonious blacksmith.

We lied about how okay we were
And we acquainted ourselves
With similar thinking...

I never intended
For this to be so obvious.

/PEARL FISHER.

Our exteriors cracked open
And we pried out the pearls.

The world was built on the backs
Of those meaning to strike it rich.

The lottery is rigged,
And I was never in the loop.

Such a sad state to stare upon it,
As I'm splintered at my spine.

It's never clear where the path diverged
Until you fall off the plain of reason.

I mark my calendar with the date
That I first admitted my thoughts.

I couldn't convey
What I know only in feeling.

/UTOPIA.

Offered up here before me,
Like a sacrificial lamb
To personal salvation,
I must face the demons
I gave way to in the past.

The evils I should have learned from
Now look like philosophic musings
On illuminated manuscripts.

My conscience is void of peace,
And the stress is turning into a disease.

My nervousness exists
Alongside your game of chance,
And I'm not sure if it's a wager
I have the sanity to take.

Luck has never been on my side,
And I know how bad
I can **** this all up
At a moment's notice.

It's encoded in each strand
Of my DNA...

I'm not meant to survive this.