ninety hours and I still can't sleep can't close my eyes, no not a wink melatonin still does not seep into my brain. I'm on the edge, the brink of plummeting fully into this wretched insanity. I am no longer inside of my body, though it does not make sense. what is this calamity? this beast that eats my sleep continues to grow day after excruciating day. attempting to live, I fill my veins with caffeine. all my nights I hope and pray for some powerful force to pry away this screen that keeps me away from my dreams where at least my pain isn't real and at least people aren't deaf to my screams when everything is what I deeply feel including my heart dragging its feet along, loosely tied to my lungs and my head. all I hear is thump-thump the throbbing as I fall down the rungs of a ladder I'll never be able to climb and no one I know understands how I spend hours under the moon, calculating the time to see how much I might get "if I fall asleep right now" but I never can because my mind is boisterously loud and though I plead with it to just calm down it's volume remains as that of a needy crowd so in the sleepless noise, I continue to drown...
I have chronic insomnia, and the longest I have been without sleep is ninety hours. I did not, however, write this then because I was not even functioning, making that impossible. I wrote this yesterday when I was at about 34 hours.