I know you probably don't want me here
I'm sorry I left you at the airport alone
I'm sorry for not answering  your calls
I'm sorry for letting you think I don't love you
The truth is I do love you
and saying that out loud scares the hell out of me
The last guy I said I love you to hurt me
he not only broke my heart but he shattered my self esteem by criticizing my body on social media
and picking at every flaw he once claimed to love
It took such a long time
for me to build myself up from my ex's mean words
If I tell you that I love you
I am allowing the walls around me to fall down
I am exposing a part of me I have hidden away
out of fear of rejection
I didn't plan this
I didn't expect to meet you
and when I did I had no idea I would fall for you
the way that I have
When I cry you don't get mad
you don't tell me what to do
or try to distract me from my tears
You respect my feelings and you just sit in the moment with me without me having to ask you to
It scares me when you tell me I'm beautiful
my ex he never did that and if he did compliment me
it was only to get into my pants
When you tell me I am beautiful
I know you're not just talking about my body
You see things about me no one else takes the time to see
and you adore those things about me
Like that one night during the blackout you came over
and filled my room with candles
and you purposely got the ones that smelled like Christmas trees
and you told me "I know how much you love the smell of pine trees" but I never told you that
so when I asked you how you knew that
you said "I could tell by the way your eyes lit up when we watched The Polar Express for the first time together."
You take time to notice things about me and that makes me uncomfortable because I am used to being ignored
I like how when I drive your car you have that CD labeled "Mandie's Favorites"
and on that disk is every song you ever caught me listening to on repeat
and you always leave money in the cup holder
so I can grab a coffee from Starbucks because you know how much I love my coffee
When you told me you loved me
I got scared and ran away because I am not used to being loved so much
Your actions say it all though
You don't even have to say the words because everything you do screams "I LOVE YOU"
It's like I am always on your mind
and it's amazing that out of all the women in the world
you chose me
I know you are not my ex
You are far from it
I'm sorry for assuming the worst
and holding you up to a negative standard
After some thinking I have come to realize that I love you
I'm in love with you
and there is nothing I can do about it anymore
You're everything I want
You broke through my walls without me noticing
You see my flaws and love them without fear
I don't want to be afraid of love
With you I'm not scared of anything
You give me the courage to be fearless
in a way I never have been before
You complete me in every possible way
and if I could spend the rest of my life with anyone
it would be you