Honey bear worked his way up the ladder ...I was his "hole" ..The final resting place for trash and thoughts better left alone .An alternative to ******* one might say ....A dart board to practice on at the end of a "hard day ."  A trophy attached to his right arm stored in a briefcase like pencils and paper . A deflective device for use in corporate mandatory appearances ! A Certificate of Achievement hung over the fireplace ! There was a gardener , pool man , pest control tech and me ! The ******* ! A ***** paid to mingle with the girls at Starbucks , hand out hymn books on Sunday mornings at ten o'clock ...Xanax , Ambien and Vistaril . I've taken all the artificial mood enhancers , anxiety and depression pills ... Eight a.m. ****** Mary's , Gin on the rocks at high noon ! A smile on my face with a spare in my purse , American made ,  miserable alcoholic live- in Nurse !