I've found myself
Lying awake at nights
Looking for the stars

But my ceiling is off white
And the lighting isn't great in here.  
And the photos on the wall don't hide
The growing sense of unfamiliarity
Of the place I am now meant to call home

For a year.

There's a hole growing inside me.

I always knew it was there.
It was merely a dot but sometimes it consumed me
But for short periods only
And I found myself with a swollen belly
Unable to birth a growing sense of distaste twinned with despair
And the anxiety is driving me crazy.

Now
it's closer to a black hole

Over due and exhausting.

No man can fill it

No amount of own brand tea
Or *** noodles
Or substances can tame it.

I'm wondering if my wandering through the night
trying to get a quick fix
is getting me anywhere.

Because I search in the wrong places
And I don't look further than the brand of his jacket
Or the size of the baggie.

I keep looking to the sky
To provide me with some kind of guidance
Or a sign

But all I see are stars and pollution.
Dying nebulas
Or the energy saving lightbulbs
On the ceiling of my dorm room.