Dear future friend, lover, husband,

At this particular moment in my life, I am laying straight on my back on a hard flat mattress.
I am hearing the sounds of cars struggling to leave a parking lot with tired wheels and manly voices.
My heart is free for the first time since the last time it was broken, and I pray. I pray to our God that the next time is the last time.

Dear future friend, lover, husband,

I want you in that order. I want to know you and laugh with you and feel like I am safe with you.
I want to pray, dance, and dear God I hope I get to sing with you.
I hope I get to eat a full bowl of ice cream in front of you. I hope you stay around for what that does to me, and if you stay through that mess then you deserve this chest, these hands, and my feet.

Because with this chest I will ache for you.
With these hands I will reach for you.
With these feet I will walk towards you.

I have had too much hope and too little life to give up.
I’m sitting in Nairobi, wondering where you are. Wondering if you are.

Dear future friend, lover, husband,

I grew up thinking I needed you. I grew up believing only one love was true. I grew up believing you’d come and find me like a sleeping beauty I would be awakened when I met you. But I can’t wait for you.

I’ve trekked across the globe and seen the band of the earth. I left trails of myself in every place I was like bread crumbs hoping you’d follow the delicious path to me.

So take your time picking up the pieces that will lead you to me. I don’t want to wait for you and I sure hope you’re not waiting for me.

Dear future friend, lover, husband,

I hope you understand that I love you already. I have only a notion that you exist. My words stutter and stumble around trying to find a way to you.

Do not wait for me, but join me on this hard flat mattress, and make this night less of a nightmare and more of a future.