I never could admit
why I hated to be touched
recoiling in terror
or anger
like how dare you
****** the queen?
and I’m sure I knew why
but I kept it inside
so alone
and so afraid
because I knew
I knew I wanted it
so bad
to be loved
liked
held
and that the desire
stemmed from a need
a real need
to be grounded to this world
to hear a heartbeat under my ear
that was not my own
and know that I wasn’t alone
to feel the warmth of another
even through clothes
just a pressure on me
that is different from
all the pressures within
and I never wanted to need that
because I provide for myself
because I can’t need people
because they will leave me
right?
and I can only count on myself
to save me
right?
RIGHT?
wrong.