they don't come as often,
but there are days,
when I feel so much pain inside,
that I just want pain on the outside.

I was always too chicken to be a cutter,
but my lit cigarette has met my wrist.

I see it every day.

I think the reason I did it,
was because you didn't check for scars anymore,
you passed by and you didn't bat an eyelash at me.

So I put the ember where it hurt the most.

I have a large pink dot below my left breast,
because that's where I feel the most pain.
Inside.

I wanted to burn it away,
I wanted the cigarette to desintigrate any traces of you.

I still push on my sternum when I lay here crying,
and pound on my chest.
The pain never seems to go away.

But I won't give myself another pink scar.

because one day if I am blessed once again with our two naked bodies together,
I don't want you to be ashamed in me.