when it came down to the end, i should've seen it coming. cause even though you called me up every night, it was inconsistent. was that your subtle way of telling me that someday you would leave and never come back? i used to think that you talking about her hurt the most but, ****, nothing could compare to the pain of you walking out through that door. you saw how ****** up i was, and you left. how ******* unfair is that? you told me you were the person i should never feel insecure with; you would remind me again and again that you were there for me, said you'd never leave me. oh darling, really? i can't even count how many times you left and made me feel so **** unimportant. and maybe i'm just mad, mad that you left without a single word, mad that you left me looking so desperate and hopeless. but when it all comes down to it, i know it's my fault. i was the one who opened the door for you, the one who unknowingly pushed you out. and i know, i know i shouldn't feel sorry for myself because i did this, i made it happen but **** i don't even know how to decipher my feelings anymore. i can deny all i want and say i'm mad at you, but really i'm just mad at myself and how my irrevocable actions was a big factor on the way things played out. i love you, i really really do, but maybe we're just not meant for each other and it's ******* unfair how the universe brought us together only to tell us that no we do not belong with each other. you started a fire within me and i was always the happiest when talking to you, but then you left, and i was never quite the same. the fire inside of me died, leaving only sparks of memories of  what we used to be and what we could've been.