Jun 2015
I feel like there are crumbling cinder blocks where my beating heart should be, and Im trying to explain to you how it feels but it's so chaotic and now it doesn't feel like cinder blocks it feels like someone used my torso as punching bag from the inside out cause I can't breath.
it's so hard to just breathe sometimes.
You wake up and complain about school cause your bed is warm and you're too tired, my bed is warm too and I'm tired too but I never sleep. My mind likes to run marathons when I think about you and how many times you probably kissed her that day. And I like school, I get out of this house that is referred to as "home". If this is your love, I don't want it.
It feels like my world will stop spinning if that person isn't involved in it. your voice silenced the anxiety and the pain and the anger and the insecurities and the voices. Those fuckinggggg voices. And your eyes were chocolate brown but u were only sweet when you wanted something.
It feels like fighting the urge to punch every mirror before you can see your reflection, and every wall cause he didn't reply to your text yet. Bruises would be so special and beautiful if they were inspired by you.
It's so conflicting because my anxiety makes me feel like everyone is paying attention to me but depression taps me on the shoulder and reminds me that those girls at the end of the hall are probably not laughing about me cause I'm nothing to no one. But this anxietyyyy, any interaction feels like my world is shaking and I forget how to breath and my hands won't stop dripping.
It feels like somebody is playing darts with my heart and twisting shards of glass even deeper. It's frustrating to try and convey how i feel cause to you it must seem crazy that the darkness can be ground shakingly loud and my body can feel like a million heavy pieces about to shatter if I move. I can't explain and you won't understand any way because even I don't have an explanation as to why my brain feels like an ocean during a ******* storm.
It's eating me alive cause everything is splashing around in my mind and i can't make it stop or even slow down and on the outside I'm trying so hard to keep it together and play it cool when on the inside there's lightning and thunder crashing and probably some sunshine but I'm too busy worrying about if that branch is going to crack and fall on me or if your paying attention to me or texting her back and I look you in the eye and I can't help but wonder if you can see what I'm feeling.
it's so hard to just breathe sometimes.
You wake up and complain about school cause your bed is warm and you're too tired, my bed is warm too and I'm tired too but I never sleep. My mind likes to run marathons when I think about you and how many times you probably kissed her that day. And I like school, I get out of this house that is referred to as "home". If this is your love, I don't want it.
It feels like my world will stop spinning if that person isn't involved in it. your voice silenced the anxiety and the pain and the anger and the insecurities and the voices. Those fuckinggggg voices. And your eyes were chocolate brown but u were only sweet when you wanted something.
It feels like fighting the urge to punch every mirror before you can see your reflection, and every wall cause he didn't reply to your text yet. Bruises would be so special and beautiful if they were inspired by you.
It's so conflicting because my anxiety makes me feel like everyone is paying attention to me but depression taps me on the shoulder and reminds me that those girls at the end of the hall are probably not laughing about me cause I'm nothing to no one. But this anxietyyyy, any interaction feels like my world is shaking and I forget how to breath and my hands won't stop dripping.
It feels like somebody is playing darts with my heart and twisting shards of glass even deeper. It's frustrating to try and convey how i feel cause to you it must seem crazy that the darkness can be ground shakingly loud and my body can feel like a million heavy pieces about to shatter if I move. I can't explain and you won't understand any way because even I don't have an explanation as to why my brain feels like an ocean during a ******* storm.
It's eating me alive cause everything is splashing around in my mind and i can't make it stop or even slow down and on the outside I'm trying so hard to keep it together and play it cool when on the inside there's lightning and thunder crashing and probably some sunshine but I'm too busy worrying about if that branch is going to crack and fall on me or if your paying attention to me or texting her back and I look you in the eye and I can't help but wonder if you can see what I'm feeling.
