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how a man cries
He drinks, he forgets
Where he is and why he is there.
He begins to lose himself in his darkness,
Begins to erupt from within.
He stops caring,
Or begins to care too much.
He wishes himself born again
in the purifying sunlight of dappled spring mornings, because he wishes to start over again.
He starts to do things harder than ever,
He gives himself over to the mercury of the moment,
He bathes in his own sin,
Finds the wash of it freezingly refreshing
And repulsive all at once.
He stops talking,
Starts wishing to enjoy the ornateness of youth.
Feels he's old at 25,
Starts to change his mind.
Forgets everything he's learned over a quarter century
And goes back to rudderless childhood,
Even worse in adulthood.
Constance van Niekerk
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