It is a sickness
That I never understood
Years of study buried under bundles of books
Availed me naught

How someone can claim
Pain equals love
That violence is righteous
Motherly dissonance

Sins I cannot forgive
Angers issues just
Barely boiling above
The surface of her stove top love

Untamed rage
Things she never mastered
I spent years in fear
Of becoming her mirror image *******

Feeling thinking dreaming
Sinking in my own stinking
Pit of mixed emotions
Such a painful conflict

Still I exist
Normally kind hearted
With a slick wit
Made to make people laugh

My rage long since subsided
Except in her presence
Her ignorance
Burns

My diligence earns
Me some leeway
And though I love much
I allow myself this hate

I am lessened by this
Not my best self
Hunted by the hungry animal
The wounded one waiting to strike

A lifetime of self-abuse
Of depression mixed in with my lessons
And now I know
That it is my birth-right