I can't say I expected anything more or less
but through empty promises constantly bombarding my brain
and false hopes repeating over and over in vain
as if there really was something to gain
I guess I did at least expect something else
The shame of who I became, like a disgusting parasite residing deep within the chambers of my heart
ripping, gnawing and doing everything in it's power to tear it apart
so it can be set free, overwhelm my being and eventually inhabit every part of me.
In my feeble attempts of drowning it with liquor or choking it with poisonous gas,
it grows ten times stronger and comes back to bite me in the ***.
So instead I'll drown myself in poetry and sad songs
in search of some sort of understanding or meaning to what I see in myself as wrong.
I believe we all have the power to change and I did change once but I can't say for how long.
It all got lost somwhere between drunken adventures,
consequential head-exploding hangovers and exhausting-everyday-back-pains.
So I'll look forward to when I can look back and remember these times
and feel proud that I made it out intact
I've told myself a million times; You can make it
but right now
I don't know how