As my friends and enemy's gathered round my death bed
For the reading of my last will and testament

Excited with the prospect of what I have left
As my lawyer clears his throat, this is what he says

To Bob I leave all of my misery
He can use it when he needs company

To Sue I leave behind all of my regrets
If I live much longer I'm sure I can add to the list

And for Darren I've packed up all of my weakness
I hope you have the strength for them, as God is my witness

By now to say the least I'm sure some of you are shocked
But don't worry I'm leaving behind much more than that

Jamie for you I'm leaving my selfishness
That might be in itself my last selfish act

And Cindy here's my envy when it's all done and said
I bet you'll be wishing you had Sue's regret

Jerry to you I leave my jealousy
After all you always wanted it much more than me

I never got around to adding procrastination to the list
Guess you can all share when it comes to this

As my lawyer came to the end of the very last page
And all my friends and enemy's turned to walk away

I spoke my last words saying there's one thing I can't leave
As I'll be taking all of my happiness with me...