Sometimes it's so hard to eat and so hard to breathe and I feel as if I'm being suffocated by my labels and drowning in these disorders.
I'm going no where, no where but backwards and sitting at this stand-still. This frozen train station smack dab in the middle of my brain, yanking me back and forth back and forth between happiness and hellish fate. Some days I spy a train off in the distance, it's usually sad. I haven't seen my health train come around in a while.
Some days I hop on the backwards train and I travel to my favorite old undying feelings. Self-loathing and negative body image. There's no lunch served on that train.
I haven't been on Happiness since maybe mid-January or so. My thought is that it got somewhat sick of me and decided it needed a break, ended up realizing how much better off it was without me and staying gone.
I'm alright, I bleed sometimes and I cry a lot. I don't eat a lot.
But I'm here? I'm here waiting in this ******* train station in my brain and I swear at moments I'm ready for recovery but then when I catch a quick glimpse, back down my hole of self-pity I go

Help me, but don't help me