I felt like a little kid
standing on the edge of the diving board for the first time
whenever I thought of you.
I would slowly climb up the ladder,
one step at a time,
everyone watching and waiting to see what I might do.
As I walked down the blue board
feeling the sandy texture on my toes
I would glance down at the blue water
that I was stepping closer and closer to.
I stood at the edge
my toes just hanging over.
I stared down
thinking that the water looked much deeper that it was before
when I was admiring it from the ground.
I wondered if I really wanted to immerse myself
into something so unknown and dangerous.
I closed my eyes
and with one last deep inhale
I would bend my knees and propel myself forward
pinching my nose seconds before the water engulfed
every aspect of my being.

But suddenly I forget how to swim.
The water becomes deeper and deeper
and I feel myself sinking into oblivion.
Down I go,
losing time with every inch I descend.
Watching the sun turn from a bright glowing ball
just beyond my reach,
to nothing at all.
I am screaming for you to save me
but you simply glance down
unwilling to jump in
and pull me out.