This is what happens when you get too involved.
Everything starts to fall apart.
You lie awake every single **** night. And every single **** night you try to remember how it was.
Back before you got too involved.
You remember that you were lonely.
You remember that you craved to stop merely existing, you craved to be alive.
You got so used to craving that you became content with being lonely.
You were okay.
You knew that one day you would not just exist.
You were going to be more.
Then you got involved.
You started living.
You started allowing yourself to feel again.
You allowed yourself to fall.
You allowed yourself to be stupid and bold.
You allowed yourself to get attached.
But you forgot one thing.
The reason why you did not allow yourself to get involved.
You remembered that when you got involved, you got too involved.
You started to feel too much, but not at all.
You started to love these people so much, whether they knew it or they had no idea how much they meant to you, you loved these people so much you burnt a hole right through your chest.
And now you lay awake every single **** night gasping for air because you forgot how to breathe.
You lay awake every single **** night trying to forget how you used to be so content with being lonely.
You lay awake every single **** night asking yourself why you allowed yourself to get involved because they have nothing to give back to you.