This isn't what I wanted.
Keep them, keep them coming.
I said watch me take the nape of your neck with my lips and show you what it is like to have my chest on yours.
Is this what you meant when you said I reminded you of the moon?
How I escape every now and then but when I appear I take your breath away?
Because baby I see how you leave at dawn to chase the sun.
This isn't what I wanted.
His hands tangled in my hair when all I can think about is the last time I saw you
You were standing in that **** doorway, your eyes glistening
I asked you what was wrong
And you told me how you weren't afraid of the dark anymore.
This is what happens when you get too involved.
Everything starts to fall apart.
You lie awake every single **** night. And every single **** night you try to remember how it was.
Back before you got too involved.
You remember that you were lonely.
You remember that you craved to stop merely existing, you craved to be alive.
You got so used to craving that you became content with being lonely.
You were okay.
You knew that one day you would not just exist.
You were going to be more.
Then you got involved.
You started living.
You started allowing yourself to feel again.
You allowed yourself to fall.
You allowed yourself to be stupid and bold.
You allowed yourself to get attached.
But you forgot one thing.
The reason why you did not allow yourself to get involved.
You remembered that when you got involved, you got too involved.
You started to feel too much, but not at all.
You started to love these people so much, whether they knew it or they had no idea how much they meant to you, you loved these people so much you burnt a hole right through your chest.
And now you lay awake every single **** night gasping for air because you forgot how to breathe.
You lay awake every single **** night trying to forget how you used to be so content with being lonely.
You lay awake every single **** night asking yourself why you allowed yourself to get involved because they have nothing to give back to you.
I have these moments where I cannot remember how to feel. I feel numb almost. Sometimes I stare at the ceiling endlessly until a huge wave washes over me and I forget how to breathe
I was patient
It was not what I expected
I can keep being patient
Until I know what I feel is real
Last year I would cry because I felt so alone
But now I am crying because I feel so loved and alive
And I am so ******* scared to be alone again
you are like the sun
you give off light and life to everyone around you
but on the inside you are slowly self destructing
Close your eyes
Breathe in then let it out
The pain, in your gut
The need for something
Something you cannot grasp in the palm of your hands.
The need for what
What what what?
Tell me, tell me I beg of you.
What do you mean you don't know?
It hurts, everything hurts
I know, I know sweet
It is okay that you don't know
That is why you write
That is why you write such strange things
Things that mean nothing but something
You write what you feel
And feel what you write
But you must keep in mind
That you have always known yourself
Too little but *too much
The battling conversations within my mind
Circle of faith
Circle of flowers
Flowers all in a row
Dancing, flowing, crying
Fleeting from the ground
Crawling crawling deeply
Into the ground
Deeper and deeper
Until they cannot breathe
Gasping gasping for air
Why why why,
Did they crawl crawl
Digging digging upwards
To the sky
Air air air
I need to breathe