Sometimes it is impossible to express myself,
not because I cannot find the right words,
but because I cannot understand what it is that I want to say.
My mind is like all the books I have ever read,
all the TV shows I have ever watched,
all the songs I have ever listened to,
twisted and spinning on repeat all at once and I cannot pick out one single thing,
let alone comprehend it.
I am a muddle of all things good, bad and ugly,
The only thing constant is the beating of the muscle under my ribs,
and even then I sometimes feel like it stops.
When people ask me
"How are you?" or even "Are you okay?"
It is so much easier to reply with a simple "Yes"
Because even though it is not,
I cannot say why.
I don't know what is wrong,
there is a disease in my mind and it is spreading,
and the cure is somewhere deep within my thoughts,
but it is muffled in so much else that I can't find it,
which is funny because I am the cure to my own sickness but I am too sick to find out what the cure is.