How
many
people
Am I?!

some people never go crazy.
me, sometimes I'll lie down behind the couch
for 3 or 4 days.
they'll find me there.
it's Cherub, they'll say, and
they pour wine down my throat
rub my chest
sprinkle me with oils.
then, I'll rise with a roar,
rant, rage -
curse them and the universe
as I send them scattering over the
lawn.
I'll feel much better,
sit down to toast and eggs,
hum a little tune,
suddenly become as lovable as a
pink
overfed whale.
some people never go crazy.
what truly horrible lives
they must lead.

When people talk of beauty- I only picture your face
you think i'm wrong and should be put into place

When I tell you how perfect you are
you just list every imperfection and scar
but you'll never change my mind
wherever you go i'll follow behind
if you don't want me just ask me to leave
I will not be happy without you i grieve
I crave your touch when i'm alone
i'll still love you when we're grown
because i fell for your soul
your looks just a bonus making the whole
i love every inch of you
believe me i do

you're perfect in my eyes
even after all the lies

I find it funny.
I find it funny that we hate everything that loves us,
Then love someone that cannot love back.
I find it funny how we give advice to people who won't need it,
Yet we can't take that advice for ourselves.
I find it funny how we cry ourselves to sleep at night,
Over things we forget in the morning.
I find it funny that we call ourselves human,
When it is only us who creates monsters.
You know, I find it funny writing this,
Because I am guilty for everything.

She reads
                                          And she sleeps
                                                      Way too much
                                                            ­           It's her coping defence
                                                                ­               When nothing else will suffice
                                                         ­               She needs to get away
                                                       Without actually leaving
                                             Because she's too scared
                                   And too tired
                                            To leave her bed
                                                      So she cracks open a book
                                                            ­     To escape somewhere far away
                                                            ­             And she'll sob for the characters
                                                      ­                       Whose brokenness resembles hers
                                                            ­                                   And then she'll sleep
                                                           ­                                   And have sweet dreams
                                                          ­              Of realities that are not her own
                                                       Because pretending is so much easier
                                                 Than facing reality
                             So she'll sleep and dream
          And secretly wish she won't wake up
So she can finally escape

I have arms made of china that break whenever you let go
I am an alignment of stars that you seem to disregard for the moon
I hold ownership of waterfalls for eyes
I have a body made of one-hundred sheets of college ruled notebook paper that kids like me used to make scrapbooks out of
I am a collection of bruises holding up photos of a Father's fist,
My hands were only made to hold those who feel empty when not holding a glass of wine

Do you know the feeling of
Looking at a person and you just feel disappointment?
You want to deny
But all you could feel is saying
"How could you?"
All you do is choke on every word you want to let go
Because you want to say the right words
But you just can't feel disappointed in them.
You want to believe they did not did it
But you can't.
Because you trusted them so much.

You want to cry
And scream at them
You want to ask them why did they did it
But you still want to keep the thoughts of them being perfect.

I feel it everyday
Watching the people I love
And care
But they just turn a blind eye
Because they think what they did was right.

When you die
Or on the line  between death and alive
They say you could see your life in those minutes
or hours you had your eyes close
You watched how you learnt to walk,
learnt to talk,
in school,
your first love,
your first heartbreak,
the first of everything,
and everything that made you smile
and cry
every spices that spiced up your life.

Every second you go through this
The urge to return to the time and turn back things
and do the other option
Grows stronger.

When you finished all your past
Here you are in the present.
You see your lifeless body
On the bed
The tears that escaped from the eyes who cared
And the truth behind the masks of people who you thought cared
Will this memory stays if you survive?

Going to the future
You witness your future if you survived
you see all the possibilities if you were there
on earth
And you would plead to God to wake you up from this dream
Open your eyes
and you shall live those days again
Let yourself suffer for awhile
and taste the sweetness of happiness.

In every minute and every second
The bad dreams would not stop
All you want was for God to stop it
and wake you up
Every minutes of your life
Flashes before your eyes
The years you went through
Passed by
During the hours you stood in between death and alive
and when God answers your prayer
you woke up
with hopes
And from there you had faith to cherish your life.

Even though the shore hates getting wet
The waves would not stop throwing water
Because the waves know what the shore could hold
And so does God
The sadness and the problems you are given
The obstacles you have to go through
Are only tests to see if you're ready
Ready to face the never-ending happiness
In the future.