I held your hand ; I kissed you,
When I found you on the sand
Waiting in the water, ankle deep
Together, forever, we'll stand

I watched you as you watched the sea
Your palm, solid in mine
The water round our shins now
Unaware of the passage of time

The night draws ever closer
Water lapping at our thighs
We stand together, unmoving
Outlasting the darkening sky

The tide has over taken us
The beach line far away
The water rises higher
But here, with you, I will stay

The taste of salt is everywhere
I see in a blue green hue
The darkening sea has taken me
And here, I will wait for you

I could have kissed you

In the garden, with cold hands and muddled stars

My fingertips tracing patterns in the semi darkess - you trace back , you reciprocate

(do you feel the same? can I ever know you?)

I push back baby hairs, kiss your forehead
Night makes kings and fools of all of us

Staring in the quiet, numb fingers pull on yours

(you reciprocate)

(you are like me, but you say so many words, words to make trivial a kiss, yet words to make heavy this night)

Past faces and wandering hands come into view
I loved her, yet what she did was not love

Is this different? 

Are you different?

And I could have kissed you ( I should have kissed you ) but a sober heart keeps you not quite close.

I have loved, and I could love again

The future, hold my heart, not missing a beat.

My dad, with depression

It's probably not a new thing
There are other things to think about, talk about, walk and live our lives about,

We never talked about it
Until we did

I wasn't wearing my glasses ; I cried
You cried
Mum came in
I cried again
I cried in the shower and I cried into my breakfast, staring off into the distance

I've always known
I realise that now - I've always known
It all fits, a poster book

My dad, with depression

To paraphrase a friend, it *****
It ***** for you, and it ***** for my brother
Who'll grow up with these experiences and yet have no name for them
Accept them as normal
Until one day there not
One day you're old enough and yet you're somehow never old enough to hear that

It continues
I continue to attempt understanding
We don't talk about it
Sometimes I talk to Mum
Half truths ; not saying the words
I am not built to do this
Is anyone?

A whole history, hidden from me, is revealed
Of medicine and doctors and councillors
I don't know how my brother feels about it ; I don't know how to feel about it

My dad, with depression

Time rolls on, and I with it

If all the world is a stage
And all the men and women merely players,
What am I, if I am either and neither?
You condemn us for creating our own words
To describe the mess of our heads
But you forget
You were born with the script
I was born without even the language to describe how I'm feeling
So we hit back, break the ceiling
Forgive me if my words confuse you
I've never felt yours made sense.

A girl, barely
A boy, nearly
A half and half

Hide your need in plain sight
Hide your want in stereotypes
Fight those thoughts, leave well alone
Fight the body, so unlike a home
Tear off the false; the breath; the skin
Devour the falsehoods that lie within
Do not define me as you would yours
I am alive, of kindness and claws
I who will hold the sacrifice
I who will suffer, your will suffice
The deed is done, I am no plurality
I am singular, a they / them disparity

There once was a guy named Marx
Who thought the bourgeosie were a bunch of old farts
He proposed a solution
Socialist revolution!
But when will it happen? Don't ask!

Russia's first ****** was Lenin
His blueprint for Russia was telling
Although his hairline receded
He finally succeded!
By stopping those Whites from rebelling

Oh what a poor sap was Engels
He built communism from its fundamentals
He helped write the book
Yet we gave him the hook
Marx, the chorus, and he, the instrumental

I am not a girl
I am a mess
Yet you force me in this dress
I'm so full of white lies
Bright eyes
Mouth to big for the sharp tongue
Spit the words
But I know whats best
Flat chest
Desperate to leave the nest
They don't get me
Silence, filling her
Drowning me
No demons, no darkness
Only absence
The girl that's not quite there
Human mix up
Running scared