Can you hear the church bells
Ringing from cloud to golden cloud?
Like vibrant, musical rays of sunlight
Celebrating the miracle that we made it
Through another beautiful day

A friend of mine read my fortune recently
And the card that represented me
Was the Devil, overindulgent in vice and carnal desires
The others mostly had to do with letting go
Of my problems, my burdens for a while

My burdens are hard to let go
But it’s not work or school
That weighs heavy on my aching heart
All of the people in this world
Suffering, starving
Living and dying like rats
In exquisite first world filth
I literally feel a pain
Smoldering in my chest
When I stop to reflect
Which is every
Single
Day

So I had to think
(Carefully now, for the lies we tell ourselves
Introduce us to the Devil)
What is it that tricks me?
What is it that fools me into thinking I need it?
Sure, I like to have fun
But, Christ, I’m no addict

Is it greed? No, I would burn all of my possessions
If there was no other way to stay warm
Maybe lust? No, I’ve been lonely for a while
But I think I’ve come to terms with that
I think deep down in some crevice of my soul or corner of my mind
I always knew there would be no comfort for the Devil
During the cold, wet night...

Even after the bells fade into the air
I stare into the blue abyss
That fades to black upon eternal miles
But the Sun will keep the skies aglow
At least until it goes to hide
Behind cloud upon polluted cloud
And it is far too late
The beautiful days
Are grey, grim
Hopeless

They say the Devil is an abomination
Well, what does that make us when
There are athletes, movie stars, presidents
Lounging in their mansions and their private jets?

Meanwhile most of us struggle to survive
In their ****** up
Putrid system

Meanwhile two headed babies are born in Vietnam
That don’t make it to see the age of six
Victims of Agent Orange

Meanwhile there are children in Africa
That walk for miles to drink from cholera infested streams
Because the company leaves their faucets dry
(Yet there is coca cola everywhere)
So many people that are made to do terrible things
And die terrible deaths

Meanwhile there are people sleeping on our own streets
Living off of trash, struggling even more than most
(And how much food is thrown away daily
For lack of someone to pay for it?)
There are hundreds of thousands of men, women, children
Who have no homes, who can't get warm
During the cold, wet night

The other day on the radio
I heard that Jay-Z or Kanye, whichever one of those vapid, stupid celebrity *****
Spent 600,000 dollars on a ******* rocking horse for their kid
While there are people starving in this world...

WHAT THE **** DOES THAT MAKE THEM
IF NOT AN ABOMINATION?
(More importantly, what does that make me
For liking some of their music?)

It’s just frustrating to feel like you’re the only one
Who cares, who sees
ATROCITIES for what they are
Who is filled with RAGE
At those committing them
I would BURN all of my possessions, no
I would burn myself ALIVE
(Though I'd much rather see them burn)
If only it would change this
And give everyone in the world
A never ending supply
Of beautiful days...

I see it... the Devil is my anger
My fury is what I must let go
To love without the hate
But something must be done
Something's gotta give
Or soon enough, mark my words
No one will ever love again

An autumn breeze tiptoes around me
And gently shakes the tree awake
So it remembers to let go of its many, many burdens
That it may sleep undisturbed
During the cold, wet night

They fall like dead bodies, maybe jealous angels
Twisted, wrinkled, lifeless
The color of earth or burnt flesh
They swing to the ground like snow
And sound like drops of rain
On another beautiful day

The bells are long gone
And now, I’m left to wonder
Is it truly the tree letting them go
Or does wind inspire the leaves to fly
Only to drop them to the floor
And let them decompose among the other dreamers
During the cold, wet night

tricks of molecules
wavelengths caress and scatter
the sky shaded blue

“It’s been trying to rain.” My Grandfather said to me over the summer
Not even looking at the bright hot blue sky with very few clouds
As if they each were a living thing, capable of trying to do anything at all

A couple days later, it rained for a few dozen hours straight
Y’know, for a long while now, I’ve felt like I’m finally on the path of self-discovery
That I’m mere inches away from self-actualization
Now, I wish that it would finally come

I’ve been relearning most of the things that I thought I knew
Like how to read and write and think and feel
I’m even learning new lessons
Like how to believe
And be strong
And be calm
Hoping to be wise one day
Like my Grandfather

And on the day he died, it rained all night
The world was weeping, its tears
Were frozen and bitter

I don’t know what to say
But I know now that I can feel because
I can point out the sorrow constantly in my chest
I can taste the burning sensation
Bubbling up the back of my throat

I have never felt this way before
I’m trying to be strong
But realization, it comes in waves
We never got to go fishing again
Never got to grow one more garden in the spring

According to mom, grandpa was my first word
And I’ve found myself speaking a lot more softly than average
Like a lone cloud in the desert when it’s trying to rain

I've been staring into the dark every night thinking of nothing
But when I do think, lately I’ve been thinking of, well
It’s hard to explain, but it feels like that self-actualization
It feels like it’s across some vast, empty part of my soul
And through much, much more pain
But it’s waiting for days later
When hopefully I’ll understand life and death
And my spot in between them both

I know nothing of death
That’s why I’ll always love the music that the river makes
That’s why I’ll always love the feeling of dirt under my nails
And the smell of the air when it’s trying to rain
Cause I know that this is life, life is precious
Life is the most beautiful thing in the universe

Two weeks later and the world is crying bitter cold tears again
And I know in my heart I’ll never feel the same warmth
I’ll never be used to this, everything is changed
My eyes are always trying to rain
But I’m learning something important
Hopefully I'll learn what
The lesson is
Soon

You are the curve of the earth
As it fades into the heavens
The golden sunlight
Spilling over the canopy of the forest
And in your rolling hills, hollows and cliffs
I will find myself

Your eyes
They are the reflection of the sky
On the rippling surface of the river
The gray blue of the stones
Underneath the waterfall
The silver lining in between
Every tuft of cotton clouds
Glowing in the sunset
I will follow the beating of your heart
Like I follow every bend of the Delaware
Until I reach the sea

I hear your laughter
In the breathing of the wind
In chimes and in church bells
In the pounding of the water
As it roars across the mountainside

I love you
Like a tiny bird loves every crevice
Of a tree that grows from a sheer rock face
Like an eagle loves the freedom of the air
Like the moon loves the earth and the earth loves the sun
Like the universe loves the nothingness
The emptiness
The silence
For every once in a long, long while
That nothing becomes something
And that's what makes it beautiful

You are the tree growing
Out of the unforgiving stone
You are the warmth of a sunrise
Slipping over the cold, lonely world
You are the clouds that peer from up high
Deep down into the valleys
You are the waterfall
That pours itself into the river

You are the something
That sometimes comes out of nothing
You are everything and more
I'm sorry, these words don't do you justice
But you are the force behind them
That makes them beautiful

I love you