on the film

there’s a story

and its told in black and white

in the writings

there’s a meaning

like when we stay up in the night

and in the winter

we dreamed that we would have our

life in our hands, and we’d be alrightwell now its summer

and you’re flashing me a light

in the middle of the night

i’ve always been running

and i ran into you

and i guess you ran in to me, too

but i’m still running

i don’t know what fromi don’t know where to

but i hope i’ll still have you

when it’s over

when our death is coming true

and if its true

when you say you can’t handle back ‘n’ forthand i’m too

misleading for what its worth

well, i’m sorry

but its a price you’ll have to pay

i never chose to be this way

a different person everyday

sometimes i don’t know what to say

can’t form the words like i could form some softened clay

i keep things in, but i don’t mean to keep them far away

i’m toughening upi’m getting righti love you, and thank

you for the fightsand your uppercut into meand how you

push my face into your kneeand your teethbreaking

sincerityand your hurtful honestyyeah it hurts mebut

what does not **** me makes me strongeri hope you hit

me a while longeri hope you’ll kiss me when i’m

weakwhen i am bleak and incomplete

warped shadow soaked,
purity bathes.
drowning the disguised,
and blunder splashes.
submerged and silent,
yet pearls still shimmer.
denial lost, slips
down the drain.

the clustered up foggy breath,
my molded basement, my solid
brain teased me.
I ran, I ran further than
I thought I'd ever be found.
The worst part, I turned
myself in. I know it won't be long,
until i fight this feeling once again.
This is a Hell's Winter.
Remember, tip-toe and watch your back.
Speak less, and you'll remember the
name of the game.

In my dream, the Nike Corporation
set flame and fire to the development,
cookie cutter, ****** houses.
I raced away in car full of hopeful and
***** kids, who knew a better place to
call home.

And even home can feel like a smothering
mess, so what then?
Will there be a day that this paranoia will
resist the simmer setting?
Pick up your swords, don't forget your guns,
and please wake me up.

These dreams scream for a louder life.
school-books, normality, sobriety,
gravel underneath my skin.
And just when you thought
puking until you were thin was enough,
you're kicked in the gut.
Bleach-blonded bombshells, breaking
barriers, crossing borders, barring resistance
to breeze through your body.
When I die, please bury me
with my brighter side.

my naked body
captured still.
black and white,
grain and all.

I was young,
and you told me
it was art.

I stood in the light,
against the white
plywood board,
and waited until
the shutter snapped.

Shy and sad,
I felt no fear.

Years go by, and photos
float from finger tip
to finger tip.

Body bare, body all,
my photo still hangs
on your wall.

and beauty marks will
fade within a tumor
that no  suit of armour can
save you from.

forrest green,
make me clean.

It could not be any more
appropriate, I guess.
Early into November,
two tears
simultaneously streaming
down my cheek
only to meet in the center of
my lips.
forehead on the frosted window,
and she swerves.
tractor trailers blaze
against the highway sidelines,
and the sun is rising somewhere
through the blue woods.
two pillars standing tall
in between here and the distance.
I guess i found it to be best,
while others slept,
a silent weep.
through Autumn's bare trees,
tears fall.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgSTG6z-KtE

the day came,
I put my laces back
in my shoes.

Let freedom reign,
give me just
3 clues.

True blue, darling.
You sang these songs
4 years ago.

Why I waited until
now to listen,
is beyond me,
myself, and I.

The day came,
the day went.
Days spent with
rubber-bands
over mt asics.

The circle-spiral
across my chest,
in the shape of a
beautiful
orange sun.

Shower-shoes
for my water
quest.
Barcode number read
7097277340-8769
laser-band,
laser-tag,
all of my clothes
in a brown paper bag.

Just when I thought I
sipped liquid gold,
I remember there is
velcro shoes that
strap tighter
around my feet.

I skipped, I galloped,
I stripped, I tripped.

I'm sorry Mom & Dad,
will you forgive your
baby girl?

I wanted it all,
so I ran.
gotta sink to swim,
to fall within and fit
right in.
face me.
I dare you.
chase me.
and if this feeling
flees, I promise to remind
you how to breathe.
rain trickles down my spine,
until the water makes me blind,
I'll sink behind your mind.

a dream where I jumped
over all of the steps
leading to the basement.
a blue house,
ivy crawled the walls
from the outside in.
I jumped the steps
to chase a rabbit.
The stairs disappeared
and I was stranded.
Ivy hung from the cellar
door above my head.

snow drift,
ride the busy street.
many windows,
and far too many wonders.
i put boots on,
ready to take off,
and in that instant
a knot in my heel.
is this a sign to slow
down? stay put  
in my old town?
but the old town
brings back old
stories, truth,
and fables.
to start fresh,
I guess so.
so travel west-
as west as Chicago
gets.
to see my Katherine smile,
it's warms my soul,
it brings me back home-
even when I'm far
from home.
To hear the blunder
from outside,
it's great.
Things I'd miss most
are shooting stars
and constellations
near the moon.
But who am I kidding,
you can't see shooting
star in New Jersey anyway.
To throw the Newports in
the freezer, to replace them
with fudge-pops could be a
start.
Starting fresh could mean
starting over.
I cannot help but
hurt from wanting
what the heart
wants.
And who knows,
a year or two later
my heart could be
closer to the Sun and
the Moon-
floating in Space,
or dead on the floor.
I can not help but follow
what the heart wants
right now.
to sip tea and coffee,
not knowing what I really
prefer, not hearing from
my Mother, knowing that
she really does not
approve- how can
I not just want
anything more
than just some
personal space?
to sit on the couch
and read every book
or magazine that comes
my way?
how can I tell the people
that I love that I had
a breakdown? I lost
control of myself?
I screamed, I kicked,
I spit, I swore?
To throw it all away.
how many times
will I wash my mouth out
and learn to watch
what I say, when this
breath down my
neck has never
been more cold?

to be in a funk
and drift through
these days.

to be in a funk,
and stare wildly
into the ceiling.

to be in a funk
and wish that you'd
appear in my dreams.

to be in a funk
and talk loud
to hear myself.

to be in a funk
and put my face
to my palm.

to be in a funk
and want to
run away.

distant ridge,
birch branches
bend within the wind.

empty, calm
and all the while
I talk to strangers
and pretend the ghost
of a boy lives on
by my side.

So, I do as I am told,
walk tall,
head held high-
and just for that,
I shall never
walk alone.

The branches bend,
some branches break.

Ridge to ridge,
the sun shines
somewhere within.

heart on my sleeve,
and I will make believe,
that the ghost of a boy
lives on by my side.

something about those sirens,
I saw your flesh in the cave
bedroom, blue.
all those feelings I felt,
they were/are real.
feet trudge through
all the deepest puddles,
gone to search for gold,
gone to look for fun.
and i forgot what it was like,
to be lost inside myself.
only for a little while.
my only friend,
drunk with myself.
cold air,
fresh breath,
can't wait.
I never wanted to grow old,
I can't blame such a pretty
sun set.
and this passing time,
continues to blow
my fragile mind.

thorns and thicker pull
my braids as I make
my way through your woods
to your field.
lifting my long black dress,
the morning dew has already
drenched me, cold and wet
the sun is still rising.
fog hovers in the distance,  
and light is beaming through
leaves that wish to turn their color.
beaming lights, and
you're everywhere, all around me.
it is just as I remember
seeing the morning unfold
years ago with you here,
only it was Springtime then, and
flowers were in the bloom.
it is autumn now, and I cannot
stay here forever.
picking thorns from my braids,
my feet are asleep and I am shivering.
Forever you will follow me
into the dark.

What broke me?
Why did it feel so ******* righteous?
I swear, as long as my *** is round,
I'm probably in a better place,
some sort of better state of mind.

My 85-year-old neighbor once
told me, if she didn't laugh,
she'd cry about her deceased husband.
So, I often wonder, with all this laughing
I do, does it cover me well?
Does it warm my broken heart?

I stuck a pencil in my ear once,
because I had a little itch.
Mind you, I was 7.
But I kept this secret from
everyone, I didn't want to be screamed
at. Two weeks later, my friend ratted on me
and I ended up in the doctor's office,
screaming my head off.
This was the day I almost went deaf.

I wear glasses for my nearsighted vision,
and it's nice to choose when I feel like seeing.
It's hard for me to believe if I'm looking at whatever
it is that everyone is usually looking at.
And no one will ever be too sure, if we all see or hear
the same thing. But, I'll tell you what, seeing is
believing. And if I could begin to explain,
some of the things I thought I'd seen,
maybe it would begin to make sense-
Why I laugh all the time.

A droid statue, mechanical failure,
a deepened depression no one ever saw
forever ago. color-blinded green eye,
a real big joke, a decent lie.
I race myself through my blue-blooded veins,
the alter-ego, dead-deafened twin that lives within.

She lives, and she loves for no reason,
but simply just because.
Because if it wasn't love, it'd be a hate
pool that I'd drown in.

you and i
we’ve always had some battered hearts
and i think i picked you up and i think i at least did a little good
for youand it makes me smilemakes me feel worthwhileyou and i
we were cute and acted innocent in the start
and i was shy and you were notand i guess we played our part
its true

and it makes me smirkmakes my heart workits sad that i
am not as smart as i used to thinkbut i’m trying to take the plug out of the sinkand let the ***** water drainfor youit makes grinit makes me puke until i’m thin

and i will try
for my own good and through your eyesjust have some hope, i meani’ve been there for you even when my heart was blueits true

i’ve stuck with you
so stick me with meand thats when i’ll knowthat this love is true

he's almost here,
the storm is coming.
and all I want is to stare
at you while crash symbols
sound off.
melt the metal off my heart, quick,
I see dark clouds forming near.
rose patterned sheets capture
the light from a hazy shine, and flutter
with the breeze.
It hasn't rained for weeks now,
and the forest isn't the same lush
green that it used to be.
but now the shed doors
are swinging back and forth,
and pine needles cut through
this chilled wind.
flags across the street are blowing,
the telephone wires are bobbing,
up and down, and getting faster.
I want to feel a thunderbolt, I want
to be amazed.
I want to see my shadows dance, watch
them step out from underneath of me,
and grab my arm to swing me wildly.
it rains and he pours.

jet planes fly over the roof
of my house and
rattle the window within the pane.
someone tiptoes to the cellar
to have a more private phonecall
with their significant other.
I lay on the couch, wrapped in a
grey robe on the floor above the
cellar floor.
Not meaning to hear every word
that you've been saying,
just too busy cracking
every bone in my body.
As the bare branches blow
on these trees from the breeze,
scratch noise on the glass breaks
and cracks.
Every way that I position
myself proves that dessert
was not meant for breakfast time.
And if you were to ask me how
I've been, I guess I would reply
that I've been better, but I'm fine.
Can not help but be thankful
to be here and alive,
however I often wonder what
it's like on the other side.
An old soul in a new age,
the colored song bird sings
from the golden cage.
Friends came and friends
went, at the end of the day I'm
glad I've got my back,
myself to make me laugh.
I remember how it felt to wear
my emotions on my sleeve,
to pinpoint every fleeing feeling
in between.
Flip every pillow to the colder side,
pick me up with your car,
let's go for a drive.

forty years there,

he claimed he had not

missed seattle.

so they placed me by

the exit escape.

looking through the window,

I saw my flashing fate.

one vile

two viles

three viles

four.

How many full of blood?

You asked them not to rob you.

Only you understood.

Sorrow screamed from my

empty gut.

"Worry not,"

you whispered.

It is not your fault.

We live on,

It was not our time.

The warped screwdriver,

made in China.

Touched by millions

passed on the life

inside the object.

Forget my desires,

wakefulness, please

lead me.

**** the money that drives me.

**** the money that drives you,

too.

history and the environment,
sustainable development.
writing papers, on papers,
and there's still
fireball on my bed sheets.
wind-blown Cleopatra hair,
caught in a crazed storm.
eyes travel past the curtains,
towards the clouds, and beyond.
streetlights and sidewalks,
soon we all must go.
and it makes me smile, and
bow my head, and all the while,
it is what it is. To the Pacific!
To the Cascades!
A new journey begins, as I close
the door where the Chickadee sings.

the sun shines brighter
could it be an indian summer?
i can't leave my bed
but the wind beats hard
through my window
and the the sun shines
brighter, sunlight ****
sunlight pours.
and you slip away forever
into the rays of each
new passing day.

You were covered in detail,
detail I will never escape.
My dreams are spitting and
laughing, screaming messages,
and I fail convey,
reading only between the lines.

Wiping the tears from my face,
you kissed me in a crowded hallway,
beneath the jacket you held above
our heads, as the passerbys
passed us by.

Now and then, these days
drift by, carrying the secrets,
deeply entombed.
Embodied within my waking life,
sparks fly.

eyes tear from
the cold-cutting wind.
he told me,
"expect more surprises."
does my story make me
stronger?
branches peak through
the curtain-covered window.
sunlight stains the shadows
I look to hide within.
I suppose it was a time
of depersonalization.
A vulnerable feeling which
lead to a vow of silence.
After so long, I laughed
until I cried.
And when my hair grows
past that one freckle on my back,
I will know that
enough time has passed.

smooth talker,
street hardened.
i searched for truth
on google.com
the music made me
cry and ***,
all in one.
let it all hang out.
sea breeze,
squeeze and shout.
taste every color
of the rainbow trout.
accidents happen,
i played the addict.
sober is a fun game.

so we bend like bridges
this is my mark, a new
beginning.
a hostile flash
leaves me livid.
looking towards the light,
like freight trains and
the feeling in between
heartbeats.
arches stretch miles
yet and I am stopped
in the center.
spinning around and around,
closer to the edge
and I watch the water
as it flushes beneath.
over and out,
above the rocks
and boulders - waves.
eyes stolen from
my action, fixated on
the physics of flow.
how to float.
and there I was,
feeling a gentle mist,
somewhere in between waterfalls.
trapped by the drapery of
a water force shield,
one wrong move and
it  would push me deep below
a cave.

it was the curls

that i combed,

of a little girl,

that i soon began to see

myself.

i begged for curls,

and she begged to have straight hair.

and even though my mother continued

to curl up in a ball in bed,

i watched

caroline grow.

When Caroline’s Mother

Susan,

told me that I was

a good girl,

I ran to her when I

ran away.

when I was 14,

i jumped off my roof

in the middle of the night.

Why this?

to sip the first of

the ****** poison.

with him.

deep within, maybe he knew.

calling me on my telephone,

was my half-sister, and my

mother’s eldest sister.

they told me that

if i came home,

they would never tell mama.

and they didn’t.

when caroline asked

for coca-cola in the

evening, i let her have it.

even though that was

the reason

why

she never went to bed

on time.

and because i was young,

and because i never knew better,

that is why it is my god-given right

to one day be a mother.

for now,

caroline and i,

will have each other

as each of our Mothers

suffer from a cancer

deep within.

pancakes started my rugged day,
I quit hittin' the hay,
roughly around 10am.

I refused High Focus,
and wondered why
the medication the
prescribed was so
blah.

I know why,
but we keep these
things to ourselves.

Once I took my headphones
out, I began to hear
the blasphemy
around me.

The man at the library,
talking business,
taking business.
Telecon, christmas shopping,
Mr. Walker dead too
young.

And as I sit in these
seats once again,
the same I sat in when
the SAT's were the only
importance to me,
I wonder where I was.

So I took off on
Mama's crossroads
road bicycle.
It felt good,
gosh it felt great.

One stop on the narrow's
at a waterfall to fly back to
a blackout and memory lane.

Over the Delaware,
away from NJ,
take me to PA.

One stop at the homestead
for a buck-fifty coffee
fix and a few chapters
from On the Road.
Thanks, Jack.
I needed those laughs.

So I carry on,
on the toe-path
along the canal.
Some circles
and squares to remind
me of hopscotch,
or maybe a sign.

A light up of an American
Spirit, and I can never
seem to escape everyone
when I'm on the run.

Passer-by's,
a woman and her Labradors,
a handsome man with shades,
a blonde, gelled, comb-over,
and a cell phone to the ear in one
hand.
oh, and ME, the smoker
on the cycle.

I know I said those packs
were my last, but really,
I've hit rock bottom,
a broke rock bottom,
and this pack is
surely my last.

So I made it over the
Delaware, searching for
a treasure hunt.
The Frenchtown Market,
was beat, so I peddled
on Rt.12 and made it
to Chris's Citgo-
if you care to know.

Made it to the center
of great-gasoline
smells, and found my
treasure hunt.
In fact, the generous man
gave me two.

Pedal to the metal,
click-clack the sound of
metal banging from
something, hitting
something, on a bike
I can't call my own.

I continue on Rt.12
and pass by the dead
deer, a water break,
here and there.
Hot sweat, cold sweat,
de-layer, zipper up.

The fake flowers,
a compliment,
a pretty hint,
that some one maybe
loves me.
And I keep my eyes
fixated on what is
in front of me-
a car passes,
I LOVE YOU
writes the handwriting
on a white vehicle.

So, pedal to the metal,
I carry on towards
the library,
to a place I feel
safest.

No intentions of even
renting a thing-
except maybe ******.
However, finish what I start,
can't seem to do that so
easily these days.
Ohh, but I'd like to.

That's a start.
A quick stop,
for a quick slice,
and the time to skim the
Treasure Hunt.

Oh  a beautiful day,
I made it from start
to finish.
I'm sorry I can't
seem to do as you say,
and the options,
and choices,
they really do slay.

Walking the French quarter
with the Mississippi River next to me,
I don't think I knew what to think -
other than that it was all so new,
and I was in awe.
the Southern fauna,
so sweet and mesmerizing.
the streets flowed with life,
as the architecture towered together
above their heads.
how it gave some sort of mysterious
chill down my spine.

days before, drunk in a cab
riding through downtown
Chicago, "West Grand, please"
- I wondered if I was
feeling nothingness.

so i splash my face
with warm water
and walk outside,
door slams.
cause it hits,
like a ton of bricks,
that is when you
start to feel that
awful feeling of nothingness.

hours later,
buried under covers,
I am cozy laying by the
space heater.

death grips,
and shadows blend.
You lied to me.

I’m in the warmth of
a womb above the sun
it’s numbing, the humble light
under your thumb
it’s glowing, luminous red
in the bed, sunlight ****
I’m ******* on the moon
like bitter sweet *****
I put the craters in your dress
But I digress…oh yes
I must confess
I was aiming for your chest
in the cruelest sort of ways
but where it stays is where it stays
like las vegas and tearful days
cause no one sells until you pay
no you’re not sold until you’re paid
no you’re not golden in this trade
black from blue and blue for grey

he told me it was like being in love with a question mark.

if he had known, he wouldn’t have bothered.

he noticed the distance and soon became confused.

and it was at that moment where I became slightly aroused.

the bright lights, the cold wind, my warm body,

such heavenly sounds.

and i was dropped into a different past world.

i was in the kitchen, making tacos.

also listening to 60’s jazz music.

i was making dinner for my mother.

i learned that today, all I want in life is simplicity.

so let me be a wonder, and leave me alone.

take my money from me

take my virginity

it’s lost at sea

along with all of my hopes

I want purity

something heavenly

cause I’m drownin’ now

and there’s no land to swim to

just some dark clouds

I don’t think I’ve ever screamed so loud

but sometimes the sun comes out

and I scream pretty loud

a back bend, kick over.
the movement becomes
a walk we all know too well.
my worries steep, I sip them dry
and leave some left
for another night.

hot but cold, yes
still recovering
yet I want another holiday
already I've laid here too long
& the itch to flee
builds again inside of me
it felt like a blur, but I sure
cried like hell & the fever never
seemed to let go
so I slept & slept,
& woke to puddles full of sweat
& dreamt of somewhere maybe
we could go.
I thought we could take holiday
somewhere near, maybe far
take a boat, or possibly car
I could pack one bag
or how about a few?
still recovering
yet I am ready to go
because this place isn't home
& I want something new

I looked for a corner,
somewhere quiet in the library.
how exciting, an e-mail with opportunities
from a professor who cares.
i want it, but I can't help but
feel a little sad,
wherever you are dad.
tough love.
scrunchies, a book of matches,
and crumbs from crackers
sit in my pockets.
laundry basket, mile high
way past the brim.
i wasn't kidding when I said
you'd find a bottle of whiskey
hiding in there.
and all I wanna do is get through
college, I think.
I want to be a strong woman,
for now,
a young lady.
flash-backs to all the fun times.
my hand writing drifts
in shapes
to the sound of
a music box.
the curtains created
pretty shadows that
danced upon my arms.
I tried to be cool,
reading the newspaper.
I wanted to look
oh, so serious.
I am a joker.
I am your equal.
Yeah, salty dog?
Which aspect?
Can I say these things in poems?
I read the words,
why can't I marry my cousin?
these things keep me from
my sleep.
sweet dreams, candy-man.
oh, canyon creek,
where shall I go?
a mind hole?
a gold mine in the
gutter of my mind?
blind.
thanks Conor,
for the milk thistle.
is it fair to choose what
we want to hear?
did they know that 2013
would be so strange?
Professor Coker
wants something typed,
******* i gotta go pick up my bike.

article, article,
articulate appreciation.
If I could measure the
worth of your words,
my words, ugh!
most of the time
I know it's asking too
much for you to try and
read my mind.
I still believe that eyes
can steal the words from
our mouths, and do
the talking for us.
And that's probably the
difference between you and me.
I want to believe that you
can see me,
really see me,
and understand what
my lips can not convey.

When sight was offered,
I chose the scroll.

And no, I'm not blind,
and no, I'm not deaf.
I'm lucky to see,
I'm lucky to speak.
Choosing to breathe,
is beyond me.

And when I stare at the sky
'till I'm blue in the face,
please understand that
I continue to try.

I wanted to write you a poem

but I could not feel the flow

so I watched the sky change

from blue to grey

a spring breeze blew

& dead leaves rallied

in a circular motion

which drew me in & picked

me up for a few seconds

to feel the rays of the sun

oh spring, it’s only just begun.

the ground is brown &

the trees still bare.

I don’t want to care
I  know that we’ve got nothing

left to share, no extra feelings left to spare.

I hope to go where the wind blows,

who knew that meant leaving you behind.

some nights never seem to end,

& I juggle all the words in my head

it’s just
if only
I’d like to share

my heart.

each drink he slid me
was stronger than the last.
i called my mother on
the east coast
while staring out the window
looking into the fog.
the evergreen trees bleed
as i tell mom how weeks have passed.
i woke to quench my thirst,
and ate the cold pizza on the counter.
all the while i held the scroll,
i liked it best watching it burn.
the evergreen mist wakes me in
the morning and whispers sweet
nothings in my ears.
check marks in all the right places,
you must be mistaken, destined
to flower, destined to vanish.

i miss you when i try not to
think about you, i miss you a lot.

I'm trying to be
not trying to be something
just trying to breathe
and sneeze,
all and everything in between.

I don't ask for much
and somehow I get what
I need and a little more.

I wanna see the pretty lights
and hear the ones who speak
better than me.
I'm cut out to believe
that it will all pay off,
I guess I can only wait and see.
For now I can take the pain,
and talk on the phone to my sister over seas.

slap happy.
sinking into the night
into the sticky leather sofa.

here I am, breathing underwater
and letting my ears pop.
dropping lower, it's getting darker
feeling colder, creepy eerie feels over
my shoulder.
It's silent and slower,
the ocean floor.

driving nevada 562
passing sunset park
the air is a scorcher.
desert mountains surround
this dusted valley.
your radio plays AM stations
in your old '46
as the motor roars and my hair
blows wild in the wind.
similar to when you raised me,
but now twice my old age.

the air is a scorcher
and I'll be here only two days.
I put my head on your shoulder
and you tell me we turned the wrong way.
my protector, you've seen me grow -
"but for the grace of God, there go I."

every morning,
i'll eat the same old,
boring, bran or wheat cereal.
Daydream of the *** schemed,
pretty scandal, leather-materialed,
***** houses.  
to be a compared to a lesser-valued human being,
born to be used, born to learn the meaning
of the word abuse.
and it feels nice, to have my hair pulled,
to be ignored, to be reminded of the the
***** deeds, done for cheaper than you were
willing to pay.
Suave, sweet, sickening,
hit me, & you upper lip bit me.
feed my animosity, I was born
an angry child. the daughter of
****-****** carpenter.
but you, you're catching on.
and for all the learning that I have
left to learn, I hope you knock some
real sense into me.
Something that makes me gasp to
breathe, a feeling more real than
ever before.

my head is clear,

so I thought.

but when I fall,

I fall harder

each and every time.

my head is clear,

I can only hope.

but do i resist

from all that makes me

sick and bleed?

I’m on my knees

trying to please,

oh, what a pathetic reason.

I can give you all that you

want, or not.

but I can try, oh

I can give it everything

that I’ve got.

only because I’ve been had,

and I’ll have been had

a few more times I’m sure.

only until there is nothing left

to give.

dip me in danger,

then take me out.

I’m broken

and dizzy.

leave me in the sun,

to dry

or to be colored.

if we don’t act fast,

I’ll evaporate into your

past.

there’s a fee to becoming

free, and my debt

is digging deep

and spilling into the sea.

I only twerk
to Bruce Springsteen
in whiskey aisles.
I'm not proud of myself,
or anything,
it's just true.
It doesn't feel
like Saturday.

in a lobby, i sit and i look out.
take my glasses off, stare at
the fuzzy reflections through
the window glare.
count the dead flies in tiled
4x4 ceiling lights.
one more day, and i'll
drive home. but these couch
patterns catch my eyes
and the shadows dazzle in
the corner.
i see nothing.
i look around and it is finally
still, but still, i see nothing.
beat, broke, bones, body.
be gone, be me, catch my breath.
exit sign crooked, french door bent.
tiles and tumors, i sink into the sofa.
it's stress, it's the lack of sleep,
it's all because i let myself go.
winter's woe, dry hands,
bloodied nose.
strangers smile.

hey, yeah, yo,
what?
no way.
guess what?
grooving for all of
eternity.
where am I,
how did I get here,
boy this place is different
than yesterday.
get a note from the doctor,
never was suicidal,
not even hiding
in some crazy state of denial.
did what the president
told me to do,
yay, wahoooo,
scoooby-dooby-doooo.
shUTerRP shannon.
raining on my funk.
thrilled, something like
that. ready to get back
to the action, gotta change this
attitude, this moment has already
left for tomorrow's clock.
another day, lost a dollar,
going, going, gone.
who turned out the lights?

i just wanna make beats
and run away again.
just kidding,
not really.
gonna go sink
my teeth in lasagna
and forget about January,
& the past four months.

hey, hello, nice to meet you.
very glad to know I'm
somewhere in 2014.
fresh starts and stuff,
healthy lungs
and a fatter ***.

relearning how
to feel
this earth.
proceeding with
caution.

city lights catch a glimpse
and let you glow
for only a moment,
just when you thought
you were well hidden
in the dark.
the stars don't shine,
and I now know that I
walk alone.

***** sits where the sidewalk
cracks, and the ambulance
cries as it zips by faster
than the blink of
my bored eyes.

mud splatters stain on my skin as
muscle rips from my shin bone.
beatles bleach gravestones
underneath a canopy so high.
low hidden within the clover-
covered floor,
snow-capped mountain tops
fill my eyes.

out of breath, taking a knee
scabbed elbows,
ground breaking.

She rides her motorcycle
south on highway 85
and her scarf flies.
blowing with the motor,
the scarf in the sky
catches every cut and punch
from the wind.
Above, below, and within
she roars with sin.
The scarf waving high,
dances as she rides.

have you ever felt so strong?
as I tilt my head back, and catch the
second pass,
heavy footsteps pass the bedroom
and call my name.
I stay here, I lay here,
and count the nails in the ceiling.
and sirens are sounding,
cars are speeding by,
dusk has turned dark.
engines rolling,
where's the wind?

they sit in a circle of chairs
and watch the night get darker.
we talked about the coast, and
sleeping near the water.
still, sirens swept the night away.
skin so pale, dirtied by dust.
spiders webs from nail to nail.
streetlights shine through tree branches
as everyone moves from outside, to inside
at the kitchen table.
I can't bring myself to bed yet,
tomorrow starts too early.
have you ever felt so strong,
that it stung you in that moment
and stole each and every of your senses?
senses swept by sirens.

shelter shelter, bring me a storm
& i'm working on forgiving
funny beacause I wanted to say
working on leaving the living.
forgive me oh forgive oh forget
it *******.
& NOFX
progress, rock this
patience, guide us
kindness, blind us.
curiosity of 1984
& what's to come
It don't look good,
you'd better run.