freya c: Poems

484 · Jul 2018

freya c Jul 2018

this is how i awaken.
the dust i choke on floats away and
shrink to nothing within my last breaths,
unclogging my gashes and wounds
giving space for the poison to seep out.
this is how i awaken
with the decay of her madonna-veil and
a bright eye piercing the game.
this is how i awaken.

this is how i die.
the floor i stand on drops from my feet
thousands of miles a second,
buzzing air encircling our shoulders
knitting our skin closer together.
this is how i die
with my hands in your curly hair and
a kiss so loving on my forehead.
this is how i die.

417 · May 2017

you are mine//you are not

freya c May 2017

you are mine//you are not

i am happy in my dreams with you
but dreams are not real-

    i am happy
    or at least i try to be.

i am happy when you comfort me
though i wish that-

    maybe the next time
     i drown, you'll be
around to touch me-

i am happy because i am your friend
    and that our bond transcends
        fragility: the mortal carcass of it all-

    i am happy
    or at least you soothe the pain.

i am happy in this safe little nook in my brain-
and heart, maybe-

where there is nothing
but you and i and
warmth-

      i am happy in my dreams with you
                                                  but dreams are

                            simply
                                                                  a figment

                                              of illusion

#love #friendship #dreams #wishfulthinking

406 · Jul 2018

cotton in my eyes

freya c Jul 2018

cotton in my eyes

it began quietly;
starting with
nervous thumbs,
soft chuckles,
and fuzzy migraines

it grew steadfast;
of joy,
old wounds,
and peeps into the keyhole

it turned away in shame;
of black wool,
accusations,
and fear

it was a wonder when bloomed;
of tears varying in kind,
deep diving,
and quiet confessions

it was
is
flourishing

against the odds

i love you, sweetpea.

390 · Apr 2018

; love

freya c Apr 2018

; love

violets crush my eyes
sunshine caresses my back
maybe this time knives
would snag but i'd mind less

#love

366 · Jun 2017

solace and candied tears

freya c Jun 2017

solace and candied tears

resting against each other's backs
proved to be easy, didn't it?
this shade of warmth is my favorite.
a warmth that doesn't need coaxing or bumrushed physical contact, but instead;
it is tender, fizzy and homely.

much endearingly like rolling about in a favorite sweater.

i'd like to to think this warmth is more durable than a sweater. don't you?

i have alot to thank you for, B.

363 · Jun 2017

haunting of a dream

freya c Jun 2017

haunting of a dream

i'm running out of things to distract
me from the milky skyline
and patchy green, and
i'm running out of ways to push away the sting that comes with
being reminded of you whenever i
take roadtrips and
holidays that are meant to be serene.

why can't i just forget you?

325 · May 2017

asphyxiation

freya c May 2017

asphyxiation

purple cresents litter my palms and
i'd rather they bleed earnestly
than to see treachery hiding under my skin

323 · May 2018

revolve

freya c May 2018

revolve

... would you return?
wrap your arms around me
the same way you once did
on a sunny day like today?
perhaps if i wish hard enough,
you'd be here to keep me
safe when it's too
quiet.

will i dream the same dream once more?
of icy tiles, neon lights, whispers and
a kiss so slow?
maybe this dream will haunt me 'till
i know what you really taste like.

can i let you hurt me any more?
you said you'd try
not to be the past so
why do you twist the knife
knowing the pain it causes me?
i can only hope for relief to
spare me in my
memories...

310 · Jun 2017

scraping dried tears or whatever

freya c Jun 2017

scraping dried tears or whatever

perhaps
my heart was convinced that you were
the one
but alas my brain had always knew better,
she always knew-

perhaps
i was in love with the idea of you and
it wasn't a healthy idea to
kiss and caress.

289 · May 2017

pray tell

freya c May 2017

pray tell

my face burns from staring
into the dark this long
probing the whirs and ticks for anything
that could just h e l p me b r e a t h e

i catch myself slipping
through springs in my bed
intertwining with the scent of you-
the smallest of grins peppered only for i-

cool dry air circulates this lonely bed
and i hurt all over, wishing to be kissed
yet i know such a thing will remain a faraway dream, tender and sweet

the snap in my chest fries my nerves.

haze blankets the night sky.

269 · Jun 2017

maddened

freya c Jun 2017

maddened

thin air created addiction in me-
of cotton, spice, and the ocean.

yet i distrust my nose, in spite of my blooming, ageless hope;

sometimes it picks up on sequences that aren't mine to chase.

is it selfish to say that all i've ever wanted was a chance for your heart?

i'm scared.

251 · Apr 2018

covert

freya c Apr 2018

covert

sun setting
dreaming of you
with my eyes shut
hoping you feel
me with you

hair tousled
rarity of a grin with
that look in your eyes
hoping that it's enough till
the next time we get home

— The End —