this is how i awaken.
the dust i choke on floats away and
shrink to nothing within my last breaths,
unclogging my gashes and wounds
giving space for the poison to seep out.
this is how i awaken
with the decay of her madonna-veil and
a bright eye piercing the game.
this is how i awaken.

this is how i die.
the floor i stand on drops from my feet
thousands of miles a second,
buzzing air encircling our shoulders
knitting our skin closer together.
this is how i die
with my hands in your curly hair and
a kiss so loving on my forehead.
this is how i die.

... would you return?
wrap your arms around me
the same way you once did
on a sunny day like today?
perhaps if i wish hard enough,
you'd be here to keep me
safe when it's too
quiet.

will i dream the same dream once more?
of icy tiles, neon lights, whispers and
a kiss so slow?
maybe this dream will haunt me 'till
i know what you really taste like.

can i let you hurt me any more?
you said you'd try
not to be the past so
why do you twist the knife
knowing the pain it causes me?
i can only hope for relief to
spare me in my
memories...

violets crush my eyes
sunshine caresses my back
maybe this time knives
would snag but i'd mind less

perhaps
my heart was convinced that you were
the one
but alas my brain had always knew better,
she always knew-

perhaps
i was in love with the idea of you and
it wasn't a healthy idea to
kiss and caress.