He brought me 76 roses
One for each sunrise we’ve seen
The snow falling
Not in unique patterns
But awkward clumps
But I like them that way
They seem more real
And with him
I hoped everything was real

He brought me to an art gallery
Where we carefully took notes
Graphite stained hands
Touched and shared thoughts
On this painting and that
Joking at our intellectuality
And he bought me a poster
Of Dali’s Persistence of Memory
And an ebony frame
Which he helped me put up
Onto my wall
Above my bed
So I could see it each day
As the flowers bloomed
Outside

In August was waves
Where we held hands
Perfectly sculpted for one another
And watched waves roll by
And sand tickle toes
Not a word exchanged
No need for it
Our scents mixing
Into the fresh air
Billowing by
A hint of lemonade
And beer from down the way

He took me on a picnic
In the middle of October
We sat under the stars
While the trees carefully
Cried tears of leaves
On us
Entwining us
Bonding us into one
As we covered ourselves in blanket
A makeshift house
To guard us against all
And we could hide away
Just the two of us

Winter came once more
Lights dangling on front doors
And that night
He took me to a café
And we sat until 2am
Reading our novels
Though it was hard to concentrate
So instead we ordered
Cappuccinos
And talked the night away
About nothing and everything
While snow fell
Not in unique patterns
But awkward clumps
But I like them that way
They seem more real
And with him
I hoped everything was real

Walking in my favourite boots
Brown  with the purple stripe
What a hype
Wearing my new red lace dress
With the sleeves down to my elbows
My hair in curls
Flowing down the side of my face
I spent 15 minutes on that
And I was proud.
I got a lot of compliments that night
It felt nice
To be noticed for a change
The best
Was being there with you
With them all
The lights were so bright
The cheers were so loud
Juggling fire
Dancing in hoops
The funnel cakes were to die for
The sweet deep fried dough
Dipped with the delicious sugar
Made my hands go sticky
The ferris wheel
I loved it
I teased you
Being in a cart alone with my friend
Sticking out my tongue
You sticking out yours back
Such carefree spirits
So high from the ground
I took some pictures of you with her
And I still have them
You with my friend
I don’t like them
I wish I was in them instead
Up above the world
The lights so far down
Just you and I
Sharing a funnel cake
Or maybe even the bumper cars
I purposefully steered towards you
And I noticed,
Did you steer towards me too?
Our cars bumping
A cosmic divide
But nothing drastic, I’m sure
Just enough to have a laugh burst from our lips
And our eyes to shine with fun
I didn’t even care that the man working there was so
So so so so rude.
You were there to protect me
And if it came to that
I think you would.
My dress matched your shoes.
I guess maybe,
Is that the universe
Telling us we’re meant to be?
The worst was the end.
You hugged her
You all hugged
I didn’t
I’m not one for that
I thought maybe
Would it be awkward?
I didn’t want to touch you
I thought maybe you would feel my awkwardness
And maybe it would be strange
And maybe you didn’t want to
But maybe you did.
And maybe
That’s the universe telling us
We’re meant to be
Together.

second match lit and gone
cinders burn and hearts forlorn
the curse it summons haunts the head
with terrors of happiness that could have been
yet light seeps in through half-open eyes
though distorted with tearful disguise
as pain brings no warning, leaves none secure
as jealousy hidden in palms, submerged

the blush leaks in, roses bloom in the fall
the demise of your companions the source of it all
as you dream of the kiss you exercised on your lips
with the faint gossamer trails of a butterfly's bliss
the chill of winters creaks in your bones
the scratch of a pencil strengthening your woes
no amount of perfume will cover the cologne
no amount of tears shed with forget what you've known

four times the curse has struck the heart
and bled loves juice through every part
through wrecked veins and bruised bones
metastasizing, leaving you all on your own
through love's gentle heart brings peace to the world
a violent disguise for the pain it truly burns
candlelight vigils carry sorrow no longer
for love's vicious hand strikes down younger and younger

given sunshine rays to be brought to the soil
trotted on by millions worrying of their sorrows
problems; as if they have so much
insulting those who dare not live, dare not touch
the shreds of life they hold so dear
and those in tow they hold so near
tears. wet drivers run dry
is it always truly better to try?

sk

Four
The number of seasons in the year
The times when leaves fall
Snow falls
Rain falls
And sunshine beams down once more
This is the best time
When the carnival ensues
When your face shines
When you brush against my arm
A year since the last one inspired by you
Though this time we were alone

Four minutes
No longer
Searching for the others
You commented on my non-veganism
I laughed at how we only saw each other twice
And it broke me a little
My tears I shed for you
Four times

They commented saying they thought we should be together
I laughed it off
Oh I don’t like him
I do like him
He’s sort of attractive
He’s beautiful
He’s dated my friends before
I wouldn’t care
I don’t care
I just want to taste the sweet lips of red wine
Touch his blonde golden locks
Breathe in these long piano fingers
Have him devoted to me
Have him break my heart
Because at least I would know
What it would be like

Yet I’m broken again
She steals his heart
He sits with her
The pictures are taken
She’s had four boys
And four who court her now

I have none

Four years I’d been in love
Four minutes to realize
Four seconds to fall again

4

Golden light falls down like dripping honey
Bathing the world with a melancholy light
My feet make no noise
Except when I see a pile of dead leaves
I bring up my inner child and step on them
The crunch of a noise
Brings a laugh to my lips
But the wind blows it away
Back into the leaves, so when they die
And fall back down to the ground
And someone else steps on them
My laugh escapes
It lives in the forest
With the trees
Slowly growing higher and higher
Looking all the way down to my house
And as I walk down the path
Stepping on more leaves
I see my face reflected in the bark
I see my eyes peering from an owl’s back
I see my own feet sitting on a stream
My essence being forced
Forced into a world I’ve never known before
An instagram picture
Of a life I wish I knew

I drink in moonlight
like the lemonade hours of sun
that leak in through
broken windowpanes
wasted hours
like honey droplets of time
sink in bones and tint them yellow.
Hands so big they could swallow me whole
wrap around my waist
and lick swollen elbows with fire.
Rotted fruit with
sickly sweet perfume
penetrate my
memories
and imaginary kisses.
I used to think I liked melodic voices
and soft leather jackets
winks like untruthful sweet medicine
melancholic lies and performances.
Conversations stretch like
curly cords of telephones
glowing screens wash rooms
with blue light
and sink in mattresses for future dreams
Jeans laced with smoke
and signals
questions and confusion
the sound of my heels on pavement
all little love songs
singing your name.

Thoughts are deadly
Thinking of you is like clawing at the raw insides of my cheeks
Heat rising thought the layers of my skin
And licking my throat
Hot coffee I down
Assuming it'll drown my brain
But it only adds to the passion
The ice cold that envelopes my heart
Placing a stamp in the opposite corner
Of the pre-assigned box
Mailing a pumping heart through post
An unconventional love letter
A cigarette burning
The glowing stub tracing images on my arms
Unintentional tattoos
Salty cheeks
Playing cards reflected in diamond tears
I play my heart across the
Green velvet table
Unintentional paper cuts
Bed sheets full of blood ink
Poetry and love songs scratched from dark dreams
By rusty fingers and mascara
Bruised knees creak as they bend
Facing in opposite directions
Ankles kissing through unstable skates
Shaking hands braid damp hair
Bitten pens bleed ink down my throat
By now my blood must run with ink
My own beating drum my best work
Cracks through time
And whispers through space
Only tempt me to trace the freckles on your legs
I use empty bottles of wine for mirrors
Apply my third coat of blood red lipstick
I used to think the moon followed me
I used to think if I shone a flashlight I could climb up
And I was scared someone would turn off my staircase
My bones shattering like the weakest diamonds
Dilated pupils paired with a racing pulse
My love song beating
Tapping my fingers on the coffee table.
Morse code screaming I love yous.