My lovelorn mind is full of words after being in the Lovely Ones company last night.

I want to dress her in sensuous  words of love & disrobe her with dancing fingers of passion.

Every contour of her face is etched in lines of love on my bursting heart.

Unrequited,
My love that can't be be told, shared nor returned.
Brought into the open to bloom like a summer flower.
Yet, she knows of my love...
And mocks me by her teasing and leading me on.
For she is married and so am I
She feels safe but I am empty
Alone in a relationship of two...

God, I know what I feel is wrong
But does that preclude me from your intervention?
Ease my torment
And remove this chalice that
Holds the wine called "unrequited".

When I say "I want you..."
I don't mean I want to make love to you.
No, I "desire you"
I want to hold you in my arms
Holding your cheeks to tenderly kiss you.
I want to irradiate your body with delicate kisses that silently whisper my desire, to illuminate your loveliness

Just because you're in my mind last thing at night
First thing in the morning , doesn't mean "I love you"
I don't think so anyway....
No....I want to hold you,
To be close to you
Caress you, hold your hands
And kiss every finger over and over...

You have me in the palm of you hands....
Cupping my heart and my life, balancing my heartbeats on your finger tips.
in which hand will I be held today?
Will you let me slip far enough to give me a scare?
Only to keep me for later and reel me in and place my heart in your emotional 'keep net'

And that's it isn't it...?
Whenever you want me you know I'm there, waiting for your call, your summons.
And I respond like a lap dog, a pet who secretly adores you
You.... my secret mistress

Every night as I lie in my bed the voice...
It screams your name inside my head
No matter how I try to block you out
You ultimately conquer my tormented spirit

Yet, paradoxically without this voice I am lost,
Hearing it, I am found
For in this brief moment we are together
Until reality kicks in-I'm transported to your room
And there you are....
In bed with him....
And my heart lies broken...

At the most random, inappropriate times she enters my mind,
The unrequited one, my desiring, my love.
At these times she fills my mind, my heart
Tricking, coursing slowly through me
Filling me with images of her,
Recalling her last words and texts.

My pupils dilate, my heart palpates
My imagination wanders "what is she doing at that moment?"
Did she think of me?
I think not....
But....
Forever I will love and desire you.

You've left me,
Gone away...
For the weekend
And I am left in suspended animation....
Missing you....
Reflecting on the last words
we shared.

Forty eight hours of
Letting go
But that's love too
No words,
No texts
No contact...
Only memories
Only suppressed feelings
And my unspoken love...
...For you.

Staring at loch an Duin's dark rippled waters
The water lapping against rocks older than time itself
Waters eroding steadfast granite
As separated from you the hole within me grows daily
Heartbeats keeping rhythm with the waters...
Repeating her name,
glistening, shimmering on reeds tears on eyelashes mourning her absence.
And the clouds scurry by.....
carry my words of desire on your zephyr wings  
And gently lay them at her feet.
So she'll know I am with her....

Sometimes my loneliness overpowers me,
Heavier and more powerful than a dray horse on my shoulders
Tugging at my soul,  straining my heart and squeezing my tear ducts

How can one feel lonely in a family?
Outside, exteriorised, unlovable.
Feelings are intangible, they're just there for the owner to be tormented and burdened by.
Influenced by others, those one believes one is loved by, understood and cherished by.

Friendships too can have this effect.
A short text, ignored call can send one spinning downwards into the abyss of claustrophobic loneliness
Where rescue is a desire of fantasy.
Loneliness is my brother...

Scurry away eastwards errant clouds....
Blown by wind as if angry with its task
Laden with moisture they rise higher and higher-
Freight trains of the skies
Have you room to carry of love and my desire onwards on your journey??
Carry them Eastwards  to my secret love  
Then let them fall as drops of rain on her
Allow them to permeate
her heart so that she might recognise my love...
x

Suddenly as if out of nowhere you come into my mind.
How?
What?
Why?
I see you -.
Ethereal
Smiling,
Your eyes strangely luminous
Your lips seductively parted as if searching for a kiss floating around the room....
And then your gone....
Leaving just your smile behind
Leaving me wondering....
If you know... that
You really have  beautiful eyes Linda
You're a drug... the more time I spend with you....the more I want...

Suddenly as if out of nowhere you come into my mind.
How?
What?
Why?
I see you -.
Ethereal
Smiling,
Your eyes strangely luminous
Your lips seductively parted as if searching for a kiss floating around the room....
And then your gone....
Leaving just your smile behind
Leaving me wondering....
If you know... that
You really have  beautiful eyes Linda
Your a drug... the more time I spend with you....the more I want...

I took the chance....
You were there... standing, smiling
Inviting....
My lips sought yours....
And you gave me your cheek.
First your left, then for good measure your right....
And I kissed them tenderly.

Then I turned
Ashamed
Broken
Still wanting,
My love still utterly unrequited.


Even blind Bartimaeus
Pleading for sight
Could recognise my longing for you
His pleas were heard and he saw his Lord
I stood before you mute, unable to
Beg for your heart your touch your succulent lips.

And now I regret.
Fearfully, regret
What I may have destroyed.
That I may have mortally wounded
her, drowned her
In the Tsunami of my desire.

My love is running out
And I've still not told you
Just what shape you've carved in my heart.
You've scorched your image, your name on each tiny blood vessel  within me.
I'm blistered & scared by this love which daily is destroying me
Unrequited, unreturned, unfulfilled...
But consistent....
Like the virus you consume me,
Invisible gnawing desire saps morale, my focus on anything not allied to you.
I'm scuttled, sinking into the depths of uncharted self destruction.
And...I love you...  
X