I'd blow kisses off
the tips of my fingers
And you'd catch them
in the palms of your hands
Now you avoid puddles
on rainy afternoons
And I spend snow days
catching up on
sleep

You write math equations
in the margins where
you used to scribble music notes
And I write phone numbers
on the backs of receipts
where I used to scribble
sonnets

If I were the words
that fall like crosses from your lips
I would flow from your lungs like holy water,
opening your mouth like double mahogany doors.

If I were the words
that fall like crosses from your lips
and float down on guardian wings from your tongue
I would carry no sound but still be comparable
to church bells.

If I were the words
that fall like crosses from your lips
I would have been glad
to have been nothing more
than a word from the bible of your speech.

I'm not an artist,
nor am I a murderer—
but I would **** for the day
where you let me trace circles on your skin
and outline your canvas with mine.

I'm gone...

i remember all summer whenever i saw you
i couldn't help my mind wander,
lost in forests of thoughts like
what your skin would feel like with my breath
creating steam on it,
cooing soft words under it.

i remember when we smoked cigarettes by the creek,
cool water slapping our feet
like
angry mothers.
i wanted to take off your clothing
right then and there and latch onto you,
drown you in the angry waters of my desire.

i remember the first time
i touched you,
it was our skin lit up in green light,
and your mouth was filled with tobacco
and your skin whispered
as the park bench creaked
below us.
my lips were swollen
and slightly red
a whole hour after.

i like when you get angry,
and the emotions run across your face like a
faucet, dripping water.

if that's the case,
i want to be soaked.
shower me,
and use your mouth.

all i've been thinking about
since dawn is
will you have grown your hair? if you did, would
you let me run my fingers through it, as you
lay your warm face on my pulsing stomach,
like you sometimes do?
when i come back, will you still have that
small bit of scruff like chopped down trees,
with the trunks still attached
on the dark soil?
will you still hold my waist
moving me up and down like the rhythm of your breath,
rising in your chest like bread?

i'll feed my lips to yours,
you can eat them whole.
i want you to bathe me,
and devour me
all at the same time.

How pathetic is it
That everytime I hear the roaring
Of a diesel engine
I turn around to glance
Secretly hoping it may be you
But you sold your truck,
And you no longer come out
To this part of town.

How pathetic is it that everytime a sad song
Creeps up on me
On the radio
My heart begins to pound
And the sound of your voice
Swirls around in my brain
Like a never ending vortex
And I'm reminded
Of everything you once said
The song may be over,
But I still remember it word from word
And I always seem to find it
Still stuck in my head

How pathetic is it
That still to this day
You're the only soul that's ever gotten
To me
So deep you pierced my heart
Your mark is within me forever
And it never will heal
The scar will forever be noticable


How pathetic is it
That when I lay down at night
I replay the whole past in my head
I remember every word
Every detail
And the exact way you said my name
And If you said my name
One last time
I then could die a happy girl

How pathetic is it
That you control my every day
Yet I have not seen you in almost a year
And you are always there waiting for
Me
In my dreams
I just can't seem to escape from you
And once I awake
I'm left feeling as if a hole was punched
Through my chest
I feel so empty

Maybe tonight I'll be able to
Get you off my mind for a little
When my blood is flooded with alcohol
Even then,
You cross my mind and I feel
Myself wallowing in my own sorrow
Dreaming of the future we could have had
And wondering where it all went wrong


Its beyond pathetic knowing
I'll never get over you
Even though you're over me
And long gone
Never to return to this part of town

I'm pathetic and I'll admit it
Only because maybe you'll see
I need you
And come back and save me

There's a girl.
Everyday she sits in the back of the room.
Hiding.
Hiding from reality.
Hiding from the truth.
No one notices her.
No one even cares.

Everyday she goes home and cries.
Pours out her soul.
She screams in the pillow to muffle the sounds.
She no longer feels alive.
Numb to the world.
Numb to everything.
She feels nothing.

Slowly she gets up.
She walks to the bathroom.
In a trance.
She grabs the razor like she does every afternoon.
But today is different.
She's had enough.

She turns on the water and fills the tub.
Scalding hot.
Just what she likes.
She slips in and lets the water burn her.
Lets it creep into every scar.

Her skin's on fire.
But she could care less.
She won't feel the pain much longer.

Shaking, she grabs the razor.
Thin, delicate lines.
All lined up like tally marks.
Counting the times she felt alone.
The times no one cared.
The number of people that hated her.

One by one they bled.
It was like drawing a picture on her precious, porcelain skin.
Spelling out a message.
The message she's been trying to tell everyone.
But no one listens.

The water quickly turned crimson red.
The background to the portrait of her body.

The cracks in her heart grew wider.
But no light could shine in.
For the darkness was taking over.
Just like it had taken over her mind.

No longer would she feel the hate from everyone at school.
No longer would she feel inadequate to her parents' demands.
No one would miss her anyway.
She was just a blur.
Blending into the walls that held her captive.

Soon it would be over.
Shutting out the world that shut her out, she took her last breath.
The life poured out of her.
Her body went limp.
Feeling alive again no longer mattered.

As I lay pacing through the walls of insanity balanced between reality

My mind unwinds bringing down sequences intertwined

Twisted secrets of poisenous emotions while i glide along euphoric passions

Drastic oceans embedded between those luscious lashes, grasping my last breath with shades of ashes

Unraveling  silk layers  of her anatomy, the dark shades
within history abandoned upon a sweet mystery.