Tick. Tock.* One. Two. Three. Four. Lost in thought. Distracted and gone. Time passing by like a whirlwind. My mind is wandering again. The voices in my head overshadow my thoughts. I think too much. Sometimes my thoughts are too overwhelming. Why won't they stop? Why do all my thoughts lead back to this? I just want them to end. I want them all to end. I want to feel alive again. I want to breath without suffocating. Live without drowning. I lie awake at night. Crying. Thinking. Desperately wanting to find an escape. Someone please save me, before these thoughts **** me slowly.

I am alone
But I have never felt
So alive

I am no longer bound
By guilt and insecurity
These voices in my head
Are on my side again
The people surrounding me
Support me
And see the light within
My darkness

I never have to be anything
More or less
Than everything I want to be
I owe it to myself
To open the doors
And let my potential go

I crave
Open spaces
Endless skies
The freedom of
Emptiness

I want to climb
To the tops of mountains
Lose my breath
To the clouds
And the morning sky

I could float in the sea
On a single boat
And lose my mind
To the coldness
Of the stars

Let me explore the spaces
Of the Earth
And fill the emptiness
With my energy
I want to spread my soul
To the corners
Of the world
I want to
Escape

I'm fine. Two simple words. But they aren't anything close to simple. Behind them lies a world of pain. Masked by the simple statement. It's a cover up. A way of dodging the bullet. But I'm sick of it. I'm sick of hiding everything with "I'm fine."                             
My dad is losing his job.
That's not fine.
My mom is getting worse.
That's not fine.
I'm gonna have to get a job to help pay for things. That's not fine.
I'm going to have to sell memories of my life to help.
That's not fine.
So don't look at me and ask if I'm okay and believe me when I say I'm fine.
I'm lying.

All I can compare you to is a cigarette
I know with every drag I take
I come a little closer to death
And I love every drag I take
I love knowing that I'm okay with it,
Okay with you killing me slowly
I can't shake my addiction
Even if it in the end it means death
I am destine to die with or with out your help
In painful memory of your cold soul
I ignite the flame
And put fire to my death
And take yet another drag
Waiting for it to **** me
One after another,
Chain smoking to speed up the process
Hoping that death is a happier place
Than being alive and alone