My throat's burning like I just took five shots but I've been sober
for weeks. The world around me is becoming fuzzy and my eye lids
are heavy on my face because I haven't
slept for days.
This isn't how it's supposed to be. The sky's
bright blue but it's raining and we're
just chasing
shadows, wondering aimlessly around, protecting ourselves
from the rain with broken black umbrellas and half smiles that mimic
the supposedly happy lives we tell everyone
we're living.
I don't recognize my surroundings.
I feel like a stranger
in my own bed
I'm homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. The burning in my throat
has developed into a throbbing
as if the thunder from the rain storm
was only inside my chest.
There's no sign of a cease
fire. No one should control every thought that runs through your mind taking over every empty space
that used to be filled with images of what used to be. The throbbing sinks lower to my stomach
that used to be filled with butterflies but now just twists into knots that I feel like will never get to replicate
the pretzel we would share at that carnival across town. We live with
the scars we chose and I'm choosing you. Not to be a permanent mark on my body but to help me forget
all the ones I already have, whether they're stupid decisions like taking too many shots I can't feel the burn anymore,
walking around dripping wet from puddle jumping in a thunderstorm not worried about being shaken
by the thunder, or eating so much
I throw up. It might still
be raining, but I'm still choosing you.