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I don't know why
I always seem to be
Willing to...
.. look down on me
When I know that i deserve a break
From a past that I can't seem to shake
So why
Do I allow
This feeling to rule me now
That I have come to the conclusion
THAT
All it does ...is add to my
Complete confusion
Turning my reality
Into an Ill-fated illusion
Where I believe
The things I see
Are all  my life was meant to be
But now I'm tearing down the wall
Gonna breath free air
Air ..air ..air
Fill my lungs with more than dust
Rub from my eyes all of the rust
Shake my past
From off my back
And cut myself.....
Cut myself ....a little slack.
I lose that side of me
Because life has its way,
Of making us forget,
How special was
Yesterday.

And later
We shall regret
The mess we've made
And that's when
We'll look back.

.A mere flashback.
And that's the most painful thing.
**JUST LOOKING BACK.
It was over - long before - it was finished
But I held on - because I always have hope
So I held tight to the very last thread
And did my best - to ignore - what was never ever said
No words can ever silence
The screams I hear inside my head
Trying to convince me that I'd be better off dead
But I know better than to listen to that
It's just the reaction to a feeling of loss
I told myself it will always get better
Don't sweat the bridge - until its the time for you to go across

The other side is just what it is
Not much different than the place that you left
So what you need-to get some kind of new perspective
Is to keep your eyes open and your mind on your new objective
Moving on means you're leaving something behind
But you knew that long before - you - ever even thought it out
Confidence doesn't make acceptance any easier to comprehend
There  is always going to be some doubts
Associated to the beginning of anything that you end
Regrets will sooner or later fade into the scrapbooks of time
Where you keep what is now done and gone
Just like the darkness is always replaced
By the emerging light of each and every new dawn
Although sometimes the night seems like it will never end
If you just hang on - and persevere - you will find that your fear ...
....was all in your head
And it wasn't YOU that the echoes
Were saying would be better off dead
It was the darkness of regrets
The eternal nighttime of doubts
And the ability you developed to ignore
What was never ever said - all that
And the bridge that you finally crossed
That was what the echoes pounded
             into your psyche
As they bounced off the walls of your mind
             SO...
Let go of the thread - hope was always
The only thing you held onto so tight
And it was all you needed to get you
Through the long dark night
It was over-long before- it was finished
But I held on- because- I always have hope !!
Rance is eating in a restaurant when he sees a girl ,obviously hitchhiking, get out of the car, carrying a guitar case and then coming to the restaurant. As he's leaving he tells the waitress to buy her  a hamburger because all she asked for was water . Then he goes out to his van
            ---------      ++ -------- ++     ----------    
The guy with the large helium balloon floating over his head was saying something as he closed the distance between us on this crowded bustling Street. The people, for some reason, kept raising their faces to stare at me with lonely ,beseeching  eyes as they scurried by ,then instantly dropping their gaze back to the ground as they quickly continued on.
    " State of my..... state of my ....state of my head....".said the balloon man as he drew near me and I couldn't help wondering why the words weren't appearing in the balloon that bounded along ,dancing chaotically, in lock-step to the dance-like movement of his pace "state of my head ."  
    Unlike the other people who passed by, he never looked at me -in fact- he didn't seem to notice anything except the zone right in front of his next step .  
       "You're legs on fire!"
     "I could still hear the echo of his chant as it, and him, bebopped into the obscurity of the distance, suddenly becoming aware of the barren and empty street , and the fire that was burning my right thigh.
    "Your leg's on fire"  now these words did appear in symbolic cartoon measure across the face of the balloon. "Hey!"I  cried out and then heard the echo of the words as they came sailing back.
   "Hey!"
    "Finally waking up I see" continued the echo as it became a soft laughter-filled sound to my ears.
     Slowly I was  becoming aware that my vision was filling in with the world outside the windshield of my van. The last stanza of Shinedowns state of my head was just fading from the radio as.....
    "Thanks for the burger"
My leg WAS on fire. Okay , it wasnt really,but it was burning above the knee of my right leg from the sunlight streaming through the windshield.      
  I was busy patting out the fire and rubbing the sleep from my eyes when I heard the voice again "Hello?"
     Now though, it was a real voice ,as it came sailing through the window of my van. A female voice.
     A bit slow maybe, but I was finally beginning to catch up, so I knew before I even looked, that it was the girl with the guitar case.
    It was. As I peered over the door frame I saw that she was sitting three feet from the van, on a patch of grass and leaning back against the big oak that grew at the edge of the parking lot and had provided a nice shade for storm ....okay and for my nap.        
     Surely the crooked -and haltingly, embarrassment driven - smile that I managed to conjure up ,as I looked out the window and down at her, was totally inadequate.  I was attempting to move past it , so with great confidence ,and sua da vi I heard my words as I said.
   "Huh? "  oh god !My brain said to my inner voice "really smooth" --- my inner voice took the fifth.  
     "That's a heck of a watch dog you've  got " she said.  Somehow breaking the ice  and allowing me space and time to regroup. " He told me he was there , aware and in charge as I approached your window,but he did it by just raising his eyes and the slightest rumbling growl. It was obvious he was serious but he was so cool about it"      
   I reached ,almost ,unconsciously, to stroke Storms muzzle and the furrow between his ears. "Yeah, " I said " He's got style alright." as more than a bit of pride tinged my words.
    Her laughter was sudden and as free as a wild bird being released from the confines of a cage as it rose up into the air.It was one of those beautiful,,natural
voices of those rare people who are not embarrassed by their own spontaneity.
   "Style " she managed to exclaim among the peals of joy " I love that"
     " Hi" I told her " I'm Rance and my stylin friend is Stormy"
      Her movements were quick, agile and graceful as she bounded to her feet , quickly wiping any perceived dust from her right palm across the hip area of her jeans before reaching out to shake hands.  "I'm Penelope Woods , but everyone back home just called me Piney"
     Now it was my time to laugh. A slight chuckle accompanied my hand as  I reached out to collect hers . " Piney Woods ...now that funny. "
    " Why ,thank you kind sir " she exclaimed with the exaggerated imitation of southern gentellity " I've always thought so"  then that freebird laughter , again came rising up ,to float over and then slide all the way down into the hollow,unused places of my heart . Settling there as though it were home......Maybe it was.
I must say that I prefer
The dark and brooding
So it is with apprehension
That I accept this intruding
Line of thought in which I'm caught
After all the times
 I said it's what I've sought
But I'm not built for sweet and sappy
Then again that may.be the result
Of living a life where I was never happy
Sure..I could laugh and joke around
Having given up long ago..on..you know
What it seems I've finally found
But the whole **** thing has me apoplectic
From a way of life that was all stasis
To one that is now absolutely kinetic
To try and explain to those who hover
I see they look at me as if I'm pathetic
They are probably right
As I am a soul without control
While my eyes were closed someone stole
The cloak I wore of tin foil armor
So now I'm as naked a newborn babe
And I feel as innocent as the same
Will it last......
........I carry no illusions
It's absolute......
...... even if it's just an intrusion
  A mundane life needs illusion
If for nothing else...... but the reminder
That magic isn't just a stage show
Not just a fancy trick to cause confusion
Sometimes it's childlike Joy
That shows us how to believe in
A storybook tale ....without conclusion
And how inspiring that can be  
So for that reason I will never ....ever
Allow myself.....
To turn...... that last page
know

I know that there are things that I've been missing
And I
found ywhen my manic times do occur

Its so weird to know that you don't want to try to change me
Into some cookie-cutter version of a person that I should be
I don't feel that you now wonder if I'm worth all the confusion that I spread
As I paint with no regard for the numbers or the colors
In pursuit of the vision that I see going around and around ibeing normal
And I resigned myself to the facts
**** I've let myself wander
Led me to places from where I never came back
The


But I dont undestand is how you ended up in colorado after al




And to feel normal .....
..........For the first time....
                           ......At last!
What a fool to have loved, and love again.
To walk through puddles indoors,
Just to step outside onto hardwood floors.
With an ache in his step,
And a wonder like a child's,
Will he ever realize,
Somethings in life just aren't worth while.
With each moment collapsing,
Of and ***** so taxing,
One can only wonder,
is there something wrong...
...with him,
Or her,
With love or life?
Why do the best things make it hard to sleep at night?
Why does his greatest joy always carry such sorrow.
Rivers over flooded, no hope for tomorrow.
A future so elegantly constructed and nurtured in his mind,
Slowly deteriorates with every second of time.
Passing is the wind, the day, the night.
Faces swimming in a sea of numbers,
But destined to walk alone toward his grave.
Buried alive he screams for mercy,
And prays,
To a love he can't fully explain,
In hope for some clarity and guidance,
For matters one in the same.
But stationed on this plane of existence,
At this moment,
wandering in pain.
He musters up enough courage and drive
So as to reclaim,
That confidence that once was,
To carry him to his loves embrace.
Is he a fool?
Yes...
But he wouldn't have it any other way.
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