i am *****
i am flirty
i ******
i deduce
no man out there
will ever be aware
of how i play them all
making them fall
with texts and calls
that go on and on
heartless was i born
i am the worst kind
making them all blind
i'm the evil you write about
whispering in your shouts
how i broke your stupid little heart
toying with you from the very start
but one thing you said was right
making you feel is a pure delight
i am the fiercest flame
so today i take the blame
i betrayed the one friend i made
making him devoid of all his shades
i am wicked and nothing more
-your beloved attention *****

i wish i could be
a bit more like you
because being me
is simply too blue
i followed your steps
went where you did
still could not prep
to reach where you did
you've been that star
i've witnessed from afar
and all i have been
is an ugly scar
you don't even think
or will ever blink
in my direction
and today
this thought
makes my heart sink
i  don't know what it is
the guilt, the regret?
or simply a chance i'll miss
because my demons won't let
or ever set
me free
and in this ocean of me
i'll drown
going way down

-to the muse who'll never know that i wrote this for him

is depression
lack of expression?
a friendly shove
of long lost love?
too much pain
numbed yet again?
loss of your sister?
a cheating mister?
broken trust?
past pretty unjust?
no more affection?
no chance of resurrection?
lack of will to live?
or nothing left to give?
no more words left to write?
long lost will to fight for light?
too much darkness in your eyes?
no truth left untainted by lies?
bleeding heart that can't pump blood?
an impending tear-flood?
abused and bruised for way too long?
you can't find where do you belong?

depression is everything yet nothing at all
it is the rise that doesn't happen after the final fall

you think you know heartache
can distinguish between real & fake
but you don't-not until
it stills your soul and kills your will
it guts you alive making it hard to survive
it makes you bleed and difficult to feed
it makes you your worst nightmare
an eternal scare
and all you think is why did you care
why couldn't the world be a bit fair?
so much pain you try hiding
want to end up confiding
but you can't
simply can't
because it keeps you going
keeps you from showing
what you really feel
so don't you reveal
pretending you care no more
even when you're nothing like before
oh reader you're changed yet the same
-wild emotions tough to tame

i love it when you're rough
i love it when you're sweet
for this time with you is enough
sweating under the sheets
you make me cry
you make me sigh
with a pleasure so deep
that i don't feel cheap
for wanting what belongs
to someone else's songs
like the lyrics you flow
making me glow
with your musical mind
that makes me blind
to her very existence
not an ounce of repentance
for having you inside me
lets me be oh so free
that i get high
on these sugary lies
of you being mine alone
until beeps your phone

dilated pupils
heated skin
amazing skills
a hell lot of sin
beating hearts
***** talkin'
tasting tarts
lips lockin'
burning desire
heightening senses
a spread fire
in love soaked lenses
hands all around
still not enough
blindfolded and bound
in the lust cuffs
a **** is she
or a ***** you call
a wanton spree
rising to fall
in a pleasure so deep
so raw so forbidden
a secret she'll keep
and stay hidden
filled with shame
her wildness she tames

is heartbreak
a mere ache
of a disfigured *****
the one
that pumps you up
only to bleed you dry
and leave you in pain
of unheard cries,
unanswered whys
and unsaid goodbyes

is a lost chance
worth the trance
of pills that ****
your ability to love
again
only to refrain
yourself
from anyone else
who dares to care

well
the answer
if i tell
says-

be brave
don't think
cuz it's not the safe
that stays
but the ship that sinks
is the one that people link
with love stories and magic
even if it's tragic
it will be worth it all
cuz you'll rise again
after every fall

so be more than
your fear of tears
its only after the storm
the sky shall clear