8 minutes untill I go to bed

8 minutes  
You won't show up

But if you did
And I wasn't here

I'd never forgive myself

8 minutes and I could breathe again

8 minutes of Joy
And Love

And you understanding me like no one else does
6 minutes and I give up

Oh god please come home

I can't do this alone

I just don't want it enough

The toilet's running again
And my hair's still running thin
This hat just doesn't do much to
Cover my sins

And the needle that I crave
Stares back through my memories
And tells me
She won't do what I need

But if you'd show up
To my little house tonight
I swear I'd shut up
And just enjoy your light

Maybe I could finally sleep
If your arms did cover me
I'm hoping for a dream inside a dream

I feel like it's not fair to let you love me

Like I'd be taking something from you if you did
If I give in

I know it takes two
But I have the burden of knowing
And what I know of this world doesn't lend itself to love

There's no room for it
Not for long anyway

So let me hold onto you
As much as I can
Before you go by my wayside like the rest

But wayside you must go
Cause in the end
I'll never trust that you love me
And I'll never trust that you'll stay

I know down to my bones that I'll always be alone
So your eyes do nothing for me

And that universe that I see
That looks the same as mine
Is a reflection
It's exactly what I need

Smoke and mirrors every time

I wish for pain
I wish for sorrow

Make my gut turn this way
Or that
I don't care if it hurts

I don't care to borrow enthusiasm
from these walking ghosts anymore

These ******* sheep
And me with my bow

I won't go
I won't go

She's a page out of a book
She's not real
Her words are so carefully chosen they fooled you.
She's all smoke and mirrors.

She's waiting for someone to read her story and be compelled to believe in her.

She's a ghost.

Now you see her. Now you don't.
She lives inside your blind spots.
Falling away when no one's looking.

But if just one person would hold her gaze.
If you'd just look a little harder and stay awake all night.

Maybe she could be real.
Maybe she wouldn't hate herself anymore.

If you love me, love my darkness.
Love my tears.
Love the hate out of my skin.
It leaches, slowly, from my pores.
Every time you won't touch me when I need it most, you push it back in.

It's hard not to feel worthless when you don't exist.

Why can't I ask for help
I never have

And look how well that worked before

I know that I should
To change the pattern
Trying not to fall into myself

But I won't

I feel like you don't like my body
I wish you'd touch me like I touch you
Caress my skin and tell me I'm soft
And beautiful
Spend more time looking at me instead of you
I avoid the mirrors
You love them

And I love to laugh
Our little jokes
But there are times when I feel all that fall away
When it's just love and lust
And nothing's funny anymore

Then something happens and I know
You're not in the same place
Or if you are, you're too afraid to stay there

Sometimes I feel like everyone else likes me more than you do
And I wonder how that's even possible