Chameleon

Chameleon Aug 2016

Ha

Ha ha ha ha.
Please dismiss every poem on here
if you ever get around to wondering what is going on in my life.
I'm great.
I don't even miss you.
Or any of the other ******* who have come in and out.
Who just dropped by because they were curious about what my naked body looked like.
Not that they actually cared about ME.
Oh wow.
I can't believe it took me this long to realize.
All guys actually really ******* ****.
Why couldn't I have been born gay?

Chameleon Aug 2016

Make it someone else

I am going to try to spend the next hour stress free.
Not wondering who I'm supposed to be.
I won't think of you, or him,
or if I'll ever see you again.
For the next hour I won't care.
I won't look at my passenger seat wishing you were there.
I'll watch the sun rise,
and color appear
and for once not wish you were here.

#rhyme

Chameleon Aug 2016

To an old friend

There's something dangerous about listening to old love songs in the wee hours of the morning,
when you have nothing to do but remember.
These songs changed my life, and were there when I fell for him.
This odd, handsome, frightening guy that became a part of my life, so unexpectedly.
I'll never forget how nice he has been to me, and how he would stay up all night, drinking, and smoking and just being my companion when I needed one most.
I never meant to fall in love, either did he.
We never said it, it was just understood.
Whatever it was, was beautiful. And helpful.
I have never grown so much in just a few months.

Chameleon Jul 2016

Accessed a memory

I can remember being about seven or eight years old, and listening to the song 1985 on the radio, as I sat in the back seat of my dad's old Cadillac.
I was all bundled up, kind-of cold, waiting for the car to warm up after being inside the bowling alley for my brother's practice.
I have always been a good listener, so the lyric about wishing it still was 1985, made me think of my mom.
I wondered if she wished she could go back in time.
I didn't fully understand of course; except that I spent my childhood wishing I was somewhere else.
But now as an adult, I can almost guarantee that my mom felt like that and probably still does.
There will always be a period in time when we were the happiest, the best of ourselves.
Nostalgia is painful, and dreadful and impossible to forget about.

I guess I wish it was still 2013.

Chameleon Jul 2016

More time

I day dream about standing in front of a mirror and shaving all my hair off.
I can't stand looking at it anymore. I don't even like when it touches me.
And people would think I've gone crazy, and finally someone steps up to take care of me.
I get time off work, my bills are paid, debt gone, food in the fridge, medical marijuana.
And I just get to.. Heal.

#pressure #trichotillomania

Chameleon Jul 2016

Cruise

I decided to take a short drive before work, so I went towards the park.
I kept noticing this car speeding up behind me, and for some reason it made me feel anxious so I took a left turn.
Your house sits at the other end of the road, but I wasn't worried because you moved to Texas a month ago.

Then I saw two familiar cars parked out front, lights on inside, your good friend and my sister's fiance, headed towards the front door.
My heart clenched and my legs got weak, as if I had just been caught stealing.

Why are you there?

I know I'll never find out, and that curiosity will just eat away at me wondering if I should have come said good-bye.

Chameleon Jul 2016

Nobody cares

You should know that I'm on the verge of another breakdown when I start writing a poem every day again.
When I start missing the guy that made me feel brave.
Everybody says,
"Hey man, take the time
to make yourself happy."
But I can't.
Because of work, money, etc.
So, I'll just continue to fall apart while everyone watches and shrugs their shoulders.