The rain finally came,
and cooled everything off.
I now look forward to it
because I know that it means
I will sleep very well.
The fan blows on me,
standing beside the bed,
with the window open behind it.
Rain air.
Delicious.
Sleep is working his way
up to my eyes;
they are wanting to close.
So, I will sleep,
and it will storm.

I sit here on my bed,
in my hot room,
with a 1.5 liter bottle of wine
beside me.
Im going to drink the rest,
in hopes of sleep,
and because the bottle is cold
against my legs.
Here I am.
In my natural habitat,
surrounded by uncomfortable
feelings and anger.
Charles Bukowski lays open
in front of me,
but I've already read it.
Besides I am supposed to be
asleep right now.
I won't even tell you how early
I have to be awake.
It just sounds pathetic.

I'm not depressed, just over it.
And I'm okay with that.

I don't think I will ever
lose that wil e coyote feeling.
Always on the chase for things
that I want,
a spontaneous urge to run away,
or live in destruction.
I blame this on my age,
but sometimes I wonder if
it's just who I am.

On my way to work
I stopped by the Speedway to
get gas.
I pulled up to the pump next
to a pick up truck,
that was missing the back completely.
On my way out of the gas station
I recognized the guys who were waiting on their friend.
After walking around the back
of my car after pumping gas,
the guy on the passenger side
had the window down.
He smiled and said,
"We're going wheelin'"
I laughed and said, "Have fun."
He said, "you too."
I told him I'm going to work,
and he laughed a little.
He waved at me as I pulled away,
and I did too.
I left feeling happy,
to have such a nice, positive
interaction with someone I
once sat in high school classes with.
Good vibes.

I decided to put sticky notes
with positive words written on them,
up beside my bed.
In hopes that encouragement can
help me.
I've been stuck inside a negative
purgatory for days,
maybe even weeks,
and I'm done with that.
Or I want to be.
I've done cried,
pulled out almost all of my hair,
let myself be angry,
and then I ran out of complaints.
If I want a positive life,
I have to think positive thoughts.

Please, wish me good luck.

You were so
Frankenstein
for me
in the way
that it felt
like I was slowly
piecing together
parts of myself
that I never would've
found if it hadn't
been for you.
Because being
with you wasn't
human.
It was a diabolical plan
for heartbreak
that had been set into
motion on the day
that each of us had been
born.