god i thought i knew everything
and then i did
and then it was too much
and then i was not enough

it means nothing, just friends with my family, we were just *******, it means notthing

someday it will be captured on stone
then this world will see how desperation grows tired of genies, beyond so much more the mask of your youth lingers like a lightning struck ghost in my brain crackling attuned to itsglow

sleep sleep sleep
sad sad       sad

dont hope just be

turn it into purple sleep

i dont trust in ****
i dont believe in ****

i have never been enough
and u remind me
every time you close your mouth

jealousy is all consuming

you come around for a while
before u sleep and smile
knowing its only when youarer dreaming
and i hate being alive

ditches of witchfangs
wrap garbage in gold
sad when they dont live here
not anymore

house on fire
life on fire

What happens when u die a lot of people think they know, nobody really knows

to hate urself alive

nobody knows what your going thru so don’t expect anyone to understand

i am a writer and i dont need to hide it anymore its just sad that it had to come to me like this at the end

almost every1 will *******
almost never means they love you

nothing feels low like this

jealousy is all consuming

i dont give a **** about any1 taking any of this
because they know where it came from
and that they didnt write it

there is always 1 other human that relates

im sorry i ever made this

talks about hurtful thingsin relationship
hurtful things blamed on sender
guilt
shame
anger
sadness
nothing
over and over

everyone deserves so much more than this

time changes nothing

godless too long haunted truly
breath you breathe is just  air to me
we are all drowning
constant and sure
see me lighting lanterns in the dark
lookdown at me and weep
before u sleep and dream
of how u fell apart
reaching to the other side
when motionless is so alyve
this princess bleeding hair out rhymes
still searching for what I need to find
up the walls sweat out my misery
into your arms back to the living

stranded in hell with material wealth
try 1 more time brefore i shoot myself
i will never open my mouth again
take back your life and all of yourfriends

what do you really feel like
what do you want people to think you feel like
are they the same

bipolar depression manic depression multiple personality disorder delusions hearing songsthat arnt playing hearing voices that arnt speaking hallucinations nightmares stupor absent mindedness impotence insomnia anxiety what did people do when medicine wasnt here
**** yourself
cut off your ear
drugs
mor drugs
alcohol
graffiti
head in the oven
2 shots in the chest
poison
break ****
destroy ****
ruin things
ruin everything

good night

my college english teacher tol me i dont understand creative non fiction i should choose something else to work towards
so what is all this *****

maybe we should encourage peoples differences instead of trying to hide them with pills

every1 deserves better than this
except for myself when i know i am the cause of all this

pharmaceutical companies want your money and your life
pharmaceutical companies want your money and your life

hi doctor
sad

adds prozac

subtracts head

adds breath

subtracts sad

adds confusion

reduces mad

evens feelings

destroys human mask

hi doctor

eats sad

fills pockets with other patients money

asks for yours in advance

watch doctors prescribe more pills more pills that counteract those pills that side effect these pills that makes u take those pills until your blood is made of pills and your **** is made of pills what is the ******* point of living
i would rather feel like **** everyday for the rest of eternity than take  pills that shut off my feelings, i cant believe doctors and humans can get away with this ****, **** those ******* remember that adderal is an amphetamine that is constantly abused and given to ******* children when their ****** *** parents don’t want to deal with a child acting like a child
people dont want to take responsiblity for themselves at all anymore

they just want a pill to shut off any difficult feelings or emotions

so they can be the robot sheep they were raised to be

this world is so ****** up ***

faked xray reports/forged retinal scans/phony lab tests/secretly amputated limbs

honestly i wanted more than anything for everyone to love my writing
i started 2 years ago and it was all that mattered to me

now
every1 wants some **** from me
i dont give a **** what u think
or how u perceive this

i just honestly feel like ******* ****
and i wish i never wrote anything
for the rest of the sick people to find it
i always need to be the best
and if i am not to myself
then it is not enough
honestly i couldnt give less of a ****
what any1 thinks about this

not giving into this **** **** u u know what u are and what this is

mental illness or mental awareness

u know why i misspell **** because the english language is ******* stupid and makes no sense and ur kidding yourself if u think grammar and punctuation add creative value to ******* anything

need to find a job today

be a good person
be a happy person
y cant they coexist

it kills u inside because u know that im right and u know that im not the only one u sleep with at night and u know that it slips in your dreams folds them up at the sides and u could never remove those faces from the inside of your mind

one other thing **** old people
who act like they world stops for them
and it is okay to be an ******* bcuz u old

idgaf  if u are 90 20 65 48

an old man with a cane

old lady with a red hat

my grandparents idgaf

u dont deserve respect for living  lets get that **** ******* straight


if u a racist
if u an *******
if u are iggnorant

age doesnt excuse u from being human

burn in hell

this isnt for anyone this is for me now finding something that does matter

im going to try to be that person that she needs someday it isnt today and hasnt been that day for over a year

feel like im coming out of a coma

everything makes sense to me