any love i ever had for u is dead i want nothing to do with u ever ever ever again

where the **** is your god

learn how to be openly selfish
u will need it to be alive

punctuation and grammar are just limitations to otherwise flawless forms of communication

went to my parents, got some money got gas, cleaned your car car wash and ciggarettes i dont have any left, love you sorry about all this mess

and you contemplate that **** until it makes u sick
and there is nothing left of what u had
and u dont know if u ever even meant it

going to Thailand in august idk if I’ll come back

someday soon

u make me smile

asking the dead how to live

******* tear me apart

so many problems so many inconsistencies so many feelings

i never wanted u to be something i couldnt loose
you lie now with a placating smile
empty words trying to convince me
that what u never proved is the truth

i feel all of these things
i feel none of these things

******* everything up is what I do

some peoples hearts are to full of money and success in society to feel what love is at all
and they hurt the people who they leave behind never understanding why it bothers them

honestly i wanted more than anything for everyone to love my writing
i started 2 years ago and it was all that mattered to me

now
every1 wants some **** from me
i dont give a **** what u think
or how u perceive this

i just honestly feel like ******* ****
and i wish i never wrote anything
for the rest of the sick people to find it
i always need to be the best
and if i am not to myself
then it is not enough
honestly i couldnt give less of a ****
what any1 thinks about this

thankful for this girl that i never deserved and never will

how am i even here

like what is happening how is this happening

it kills u inside because u know that im right and u know that im not the only one u sleep with at night and u know that it slips in your dreams folds them up at the sides and u could never remove those faces from the inside of your mind

my college english teacher tol me i dont understand creative non fiction i should choose something else to work towards
so what is all this *****

sleep eat work 1 hr sleep alone eat work emotionless sleep **** sleep sleep

*** is a sun
who are followers

it isnt me never was

one heart in my life
one love in my heart

why am i here

isnt the same as last time
looks and feels the same

not doing anything different than anything anyone else has ever done i just look at it differently

if u ever asked me i would have been there then

No, nobody came

took me all this time to realize u did what u did to me was because u were never worth anything

i feel really guilty but i had to say it i know he doesnt feel it at all and thinks im just going crazy its real and i know because im not mad i feel like **** for the pain it could cause him even though he wont feel it i just hope he can see the reality of what he is becoming

about anything that u are meaning
and everything that u have to live with

idc if u think u know at all what i mean

some gone girl is speaking when next to my bed
whispered linnet murmurs preying online thru perilous sheds
blue under trees under the moon to leave shadows in your head
god is unloving and fabled in redress
i am a tomb i came too soon i am the tomb to live too sssoon
with lead palms crawling out of skin molds to scratch at the moon
fingers left crinkled and shriveled under what is new
uncluttered archers in stone slit platoons
letting them go letting them go letting it go letting them go
im staring down sideways to watch it unfold
everyone can smile and everyone can glow
but it takes a special evil to hide it from all
limbic numeracy is past reaching goals
it spreads and descends upon the lives it unfolds
its holding a Mesmer that cloves what hasn't sold
then spreads it like skelter across the crust of the world
god god god god how the **** are u where have u been
i need u we needed u like now its like
i ******* never want to see u again
like here is the palm in the eye of the world next to a
doctor boring gold mines into the veins of the scourge
riding checkered pale hearses across blank frail reading boards
educating all our current lovers on eternity and remorse
ur lacking the emotion to understand why it hurts
ur lacking the heart to feel when it ******* burns
your understanding is nothing to the weight of my birth
u live like a vulture failed in naming her worth
i dont give a **** what u take into your remission
the reaper undevils me u know im lacking ambition
the burning in my throat is the lane of my life
empty bottles living rags eating forbidden apples like its nothing
screaming and unbelieving and inhaling the rest at night
bareskin is deadskin thats the only way she could like
its unburdened there where the aqua violet struts and stares
im terminally confused and in unending repair
thats the only way i can survive it not that i like it
just the only way to survive in it and its ******* nothing how i like it
it just reminds me of this and i want to burn in hell again
i need it to continue ill burn in hell again
**** u for thinking you owned anything
im alone in this no one is watching and touching m y shoulder
when im writing this i am alone in this i already disclosed it
i am emulsified in it the world that is forever unopened
and i never even learned how to calm down
and breathe in
this is all that its worth and u arnt enough human to unveil how it hurts

all this **** comes down to I want u to love me like I love u

i want to run away with u

life is robot + always waiting

cant change or explain the past
it’s there for a reason

silence is thinking cant stop until this is what i need

apocalypse apocalypse apocalypse
who is the horse god

there is nothing u can do

just wanted to tell you

hurts so bad