everyone understands my problems except for me

love u

any love i ever had for u is dead i want nothing to do with u ever ever ever again

so many problems so many inconsistencies so many feelings

world full of artists muted by doctors medicine

******* tear me apart

******* everything up is what I do

how am i even here

asking the dead how to live

going to Thailand in august idk if I’ll come back

went to my parents, got some money got gas, cleaned your car car wash and ciggarettes i dont have any left, love you sorry about all this mess

i never wanted u to be something i couldnt loose
you lie now with a placating smile
empty words trying to convince me
that what u never proved is the truth

thankful for this girl that i never deserved and never will

and you contemplate that **** until it makes u sick
and there is nothing left of what u had
and u dont know if u ever even meant it

sleep eat work 1 hr sleep alone eat work emotionless sleep **** sleep sleep

one heart in my life
one love in my heart

honestly i wanted more than anything for everyone to love my writing
i started 2 years ago and it was all that mattered to me

now
every1 wants some **** from me
i dont give a **** what u think
or how u perceive this

i just honestly feel like ******* ****
and i wish i never wrote anything
for the rest of the sick people to find it
i always need to be the best
and if i am not to myself
then it is not enough
honestly i couldnt give less of a ****
what any1 thinks about this

No, nobody came

*** is a sun
who are followers

took me all this time to realize u did what u did to me was because u were never worth anything

it isnt me never was

like what is happening how is this happening

all this **** comes down to I want u to love me like I love u

i feel all of these things
i feel none of these things

the things that make u wanna rip your face off lack of control
conflicting feelings
confusion
regret

i want to run away with u

if u ever asked me i would have been there then

not doing anything different than anything anyone else has ever done i just look at it differently

why am i here

about anything that u are meaning
and everything that u have to live with

life is robot + always waiting

read this ******* garbage

i feel really guilty but i had to say it i know he doesnt feel it at all and thinks im just going crazy its real and i know because im not mad i feel like **** for the pain it could cause him even though he wont feel it i just hope he can see the reality of what he is becoming

my college english teacher tol me i dont understand creative non fiction i should choose something else to work towards
so what is all this *****

there is nothing u can do

some peoples hearts are to full of money and success in society to feel what love is at all
and they hurt the people who they leave behind never understanding why it bothers them

hurts so bad

so many people want to label themselves give themselves titles they dont deserve and never will I hate u **** u

love is existence without existing

there is nothing worse than living against the things you cant change

apocalypse apocalypse apocalypse
who is the horse god

textbook: ruin your life 1 day at a time

it kills u inside because u know that im right and u know that im not the only one u sleep with at night and u know that it slips in your dreams folds them up at the sides and u could never remove those faces from the inside of your mind

isnt the same as last time
looks and feels the same

every night now dreams infuse
hollow lotus flowers
colored by words
strangled by gloom

how am i even here